140698249-FHM-India-2013-05

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season season

a ba l l l l o t b F o o

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M an St

special! spec ial!

uff!

Oysters Make yoU

horny and other

food

t s e t a e gr s c i m o c e m i t l l of a & the movement to legalise ‘mary J’

o o o a A a

shraddha

kapoor

Myths

busted! a puff piece on the porsche 911 around the f1 track in the new audi r8 pressure cooker - the new molotov cocktail? how to make a million dollar app ap p…

on being coy 6 0 e u s s I 6 l o V N o I t I D e a I D N I

also st starri arring ng

#FHMLiveApp•#FHMAppBABeS• #FHMLiveApp• #FHMAppBABeS• SuniL CHettri•tHingS CHettri•tHingS you onLy do wHen ipL iS on

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may 2013

contents

80 football’s unDerDog story

p64 p6 4 Shraddha

Kapoor

Still cheering or Manchester United? Your ootball reality check and just why Borussia Dortmund, PSG, Malaga and Galatasaray are the clubs to watch out or in 2014. Plus, Plus, why Robert Robert Lewandowski is the new Messi...

86

92 your fooD menu 2020

Let them eat insects! Marie Antoinette’s ree advice on why insects will be the key to curing the World’s hunger and why the hell the bloody hell armers are calling locusts ‘Flying Prawns’.

76 Who’D be a referee?

The men who were nuts enough to reeree some o

60 snoop Dogg for presiDent?

Not India’s o course. The man who shared weed with Cameron Diaz speaks to FHM on his ambitions to paint the white house black.

98 got a million $ app iDea? iDea?

The skinny on what to do with it, the mistakes you are most likely to make and





















































co ntents regulars 44

118

22 56

26

access 21 Why vatican city can’t afforD its oWn airport...

A developed-worlddeveloped-worldlaughing-at-smaller laughing-at-smaller nations ull-o-ourselves map.

h o t t r i g h ! n o W

p8 Gaelyn MendonCa

22 the movement to legalise WeeD

On the happy occasion o World Marijuana Day, the Americans are ghting or their right to smoke up without getting jailed. A sober report. Almost.

24 WorlD sports’ terror problem The Boston Bombings isn’t the rst time terrorists have hit out at sport, but will it be the last? FHM makes a timeline.

26 is a pressure

120

filter 40 go, goa gone

Jawaani Deewani, Hangover 3, Reluctant Fundamentalist ... ... the movies you will end up watching this month. Shame on you if you haven’t seen Iron Man 3 yet though. 63 life after sWeDish house mafia

Three EDM bands who could make the pain go away. 44 the happiest inDian

You have to be, to be a footballer in India. Sunil Chettri – India’s second most recognised footballer on sitting on the bench and why Indian football isn’t going anywhere in a hurry. 46 gears of War

Metal Gear and Gear and the biggest game of the century - DESTINY. 52 fhm cars

upgrade 104 the gaDgets We got sent this month The skinny on the HTC One, Lenovo P770, the Nokia Lumia 620 and the one Microsot gadget we are queing up or – an iPad keyboard. you 114 are you overDresseD for an intervieW?

These tips might help you get your dream job.

103 make the perfect steak 116 style selector Fashion designer Raghavendra Rathore on dressing like a real man. No neon suites in his wardrobe.

118 upgraDe girlfrienD

















































































































Gaelyn Mendonca She might want to go in hiding for a while after reading this headline... Read on to know why. Words by Kumar Saurav



























































access gaelyn

mendonca

This is you frst time in FHM , so how does it eel? Gaelyn: Oh, it eels abulous. This is the magazine that I keep reading because my riends keep appearing in it and since I come rom a modelling background, one really can’t do without reading FHM . FHM : Really? Tell us one story published in FHM ? Gaelyn: Hmm. You guys cover a lot o ashion, right? FHM : No, we don’t cover ashion… Gaelyn: OMG! This is embarrassing! Maybe I have some other magazine in mind then. I’m really sorry. FHM : Don’t be sorry... We were just checking i you meant what you said. Let’s move on, so why don’t you tell us about the weirdest thing you’ve ever been told about yoursel? Gaelyn: It’s kind o weird how people pronounce my name. Some call me Galon, some Galvin and some people have even called me Gajinder. Now where does that come rom!? FHM :

Do you like gossiping? Gaelyn: Absolutely. Is there anyone who doesn’t? FHM : What’s the latest gossip you have heard? Gaelyn: Obviously about link-ups between actors and actresses. Stories about Ayushmannn dating a co-star are doing the rounds, but it’s hard or me to digest that because he’s married... That too happily. FHM : So are married men not allowed to date? Gaelyn: No. They are at a diferent level o relationship. FHM : What about men who are in live-in’s? Gaelyn: The act that they have shited into a house with someone means that they want to be together, so even they shouldn’t be dating other women. FHM : And what about people who are in the courtship stage? Gaelyn: Anyone, married or unmarried, can date but they don’t need to get intimate. FHM :































access gaelyn

You’ve conused us totally, so let’s talk about Bollywood. Was your Bollywood move planned? Gaelyn: No, I’m a victim o non-planning. Be it my VJing career or lms, I have never planned anything in my lie. It just happens. FHM : How did Nautanki Saala happen? Gaelyn: I was sitting at home when a casting director called up to ask i I would be eager to audition or a role that he is currently looking to ll. He asked me to come to the audition venue within an hour, but considering the lazy bum I am, I asked him i I could come a day ater. FHM : What did he say then? Gaelyn: He said, “I you want to audition or this role, you will have to be here in an hour.” hour.” Let with no choice, I dragged mysel to the venue, enacted the script that was given to me, and landed mysel a role in the lm. Later, I was told that Ayushmann is doing the lm. I was really happy about it because we have been riends rom a long time. And that’s the sequence o events that landed me this role. FHM : Are you a nautanki in nautanki in real FHM :

mendonca































access gaelyn

mendonca

“ I am a banker’s daughter, so I have been taught not to waste money. ”

Gaelyn: Surprises. Even i they are meant to make me happy. happy. FHM : Explain… Gaelyn: In my riend circle, it’s a ritual that we pay a visit to the birthday guy or girl at midnight. Though we would like to treat it as a surprise, it’s actually not. At one o my birthdays, I was exp ecting everyone at my place. I was all decked-up and ready to welcome them, but they didn’t turn-up. Obviously I lost it, but everyone turned up at ve in the morning, blindolded me and took me to a beach to celebrate my birthday. Though it was a good idea, I wasn’t really happy initially. FHM : What kind o gadgets do you like to keep? Gaelyn: All that I have in the name o a gadget is a phone. FHM : The FHM team FHM team eels that the air conditioner is the best invention ever, what according to you is the best invention o mankind? Gaelyn: It’s got to be television, because I get to see mysel on it. FHM : Have you ever elt like you are going to die? Gaelyn: I eel that every moment in my lie. I told you na , I am a drama queen. Oh my god, My make-up is not right, I am gonna die, Oh my god, why is this guy behaving like this? I am gonna die.































access gaelyn

things. What’s the best thing in you lie right now? Gaelyn: The act that people are recognising me. Obviously, they have done so on television beore, but lms are in a diferent league. Even the so-called critics have praised my work, so that ’s satisying. FHM : Are you happy with the way Nautanki Saala is Saala is being received? Gaelyn: Absolutely. Just a ew days back I had organised a showing or my relatives and riends, and they all liked the lm and my work. These people have seen me growing up and are my best critics. They wouldn’t have patted me on my back I wouldn’t have deserved it.

I one day you wake up with all the money in the world, what will you buy? Gaelyn: How many things can I buy? FHM : Say ve... The biggest mansions, cars, shoes, cosmetics… Don’t you think you are being unair by giving me just ve options? I am a girl ater all, so you need to give me more options. FHM : LOL! You can think about it and tell us later. As o now, tell us how do you waste your money? daughter, Gaelyn: I am a banker’s daughter, so I have been taught not to waste money. FHM : Fair enough. So what is the grossest thing you’ve ever indulged in? FHM :

Gaelyn: I once went for a trek deep

into the jungles, and every night we had to ask the villagers for food. I had to eat the organs of chicken that we would otherwise discard. And I think I also ate chicken poop. FHM : Do you think passion is an overestimated word? Gaelyn: No. Nothing works without passion. Whenever I talk, I talk as if this is the last time I’m talking. I am passionate about talking and that’s what made me popular as a VJ. FHM : Now that we are done with the interview, do you think we talked well? Gaelyn: Yes, it was fun. Just that those relationship questions were like bouncers.

mendonca

★

what has she been upto till now Gaelyn was the winner of the MTV VJ Hunt in 2010. The show that also discovered Sophie Chaudhary, Nikhil Chinapa, Ramona Arena, Maria Goretti, Anusha Dandekar, Amrita Arora, Cyrus Sahukar and Mini Mathur in previous years. 1 The ex-MTV VJ anchored MTV Grind , House Of Style and Style and Gone In 60 Seconds. 2 She also anchored Change The Game during the 2011 Cricket World Cup. 3 She has walked the































letters

DrooleD over mi ss kotak kotak

I must say that your April cover was amongst the best covers ever. You hit the bull’s eye by eaturing the latest IPL hottie Karishma Kotak with an astronaut. I was expecting yet another hot model or Bollywood actress to be eatured on the cover (that too alone) but you amazed us by doing something dierent. Getting clicked with an astronaut added that x-actor to Karishma’s persona who was last seen in Bigg Boss 6 and is now the star o IPL chatshows. It’s just with FHM that when people are expecting something run-othe-mill, you always deliver hatke stu. I can go on and on praising your work and why it’s worth the cover price, but you migh t get dizzy di zzy with w ith all the praise. prai se.

one but two thoughts crossed my mind – Recently the moral police and the people in Parliament were up in arms against the deodorant advertisements that project ragrance as a means to attract the opposite sex. I was wondering how come Karishma Kotak is standing next to an ‘Axe’ man and not getting risky. Does she sue r rom some nasal disorder that’s not letting her inhale the arousing ragrance? Or is it that the deodorants lose its arousing capabilities in space? The second thought was about Armstrong. I pity the poor guy or holding and sustaining so much o tension beneath the heavier than hell suit inspite o having such an exotic arm candy, who can give an entire army o arm candies a run or their money. Now I know why he was named Arm-strong though more

april april

2013

letter of the month smokinG hot hot,, feisty fei sty,, faBulous anD funfun-fill filleD eD april april issue issue.. it Wa Was s

































































jokes

bad pickup lines

(At the copy mAchine) RepRoducing, eh? cAn i help?

a ccess

have a confession to make? A woman is having an aair during the day while her husband is at work. Her nine year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the closet to watch. Suddenly, the woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realising that the little boy is in there already.

speech de raha tha . tha . Hitler: “Meri “Meri dictionary dictionary mein impossible naam ka word ka word nahi hai .” .” Peeche se bheed mein Pappu ka dada nikla aur bola, “ To saale dekh ke leni chahiye thi na.”

a ferarr ferarrii for for $15 $15 A fteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, “Where did you get

introduced himsel as the ather o the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche or fteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. “Well,” “Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call rom my husband. I thought he was on a business trip,

but learned rom a riend he has run o to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn’t intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did

































































news

a ccess

Happiness is to make out more tHan your neigHbours do A study carried out by sociologists at the University o Colorado suggests that couples who have more sex than their neighbours and riends are happier than those who don’t. 15,386 people participated in the survey between 1993 and 2006. metal body parts being recycled into road signs… …And into car parts and aircrat engines. The Dutch company behind this recycling has roped in Britain’s 130 crematoriums to generate 75 tonnes o

has been charged with burglary. The 39-year-old Chinese take away driver will appear in the court some time soon. now you can smell tHe food sHown on tV A group o Japanese scientists have developed a screen that will let viewers smell any ood that’s being displayed on the screen. Invented by Haruka Matsukura and his colleagues at the Tokyo University o Agriculture and Technology in Japan, the smell screen was showcased at the IEEE Virtual Reality conerence in Orlando, Florida last month. marital satisfaction



































































Countries with



































out basics



































GANJA-PRENEURS,

AR ARE YOU ALL



































52%

45%

1969

partici participan pants ts want pot to be legalised. The corresponding

Americans said the drug should not be made legal

The year when research company Gallup frst

chronicleS

of drug



































WHEN SPORTS iS



































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































RAPPeR

16 Tal time

Snoop Dogg

President Will Be

The American Dream can take you rom a nobody to a Cadillac- driving, Champagne-splashing hyperstar in just a ew years, as Snoop Dogg D ogg will tell you. FHM speaks to the man himsel to



























T

wenty years ago, Calin Broadus Jr was spending more time inside a prison cell than out o one. On the rare occasion occasion that he was the right side o the bars, he’d go right bac to a world o gangs, drugs and guns on the smog-enguled streets o Long Beach, Caliornia. Just a ew years later, this twentysomething had transormed transorm ed himsel into Snoop Dogg, the world’s best-loed and most amous rapper, laying claim to the frst-eer debut album to top the American charts and bossing his own record label. Skip orward to 2012 and you’d have ound him undergoing another transormation – into Snoop Lion, his new peaceand-love-toting Rastaarian persona – and recording his rst reggae album, Reincarnated , in Jamaica. Not that he needed to; this is a man with album sales already in excess o 30 million, a net worth o over $110 million and the ability to send pictures o him smoking weed with Rihanna to more than 10 million palms in a split second via Twitter Twitter.. That’s right, not only has Snoop Dogg ridden the rags-toriches American Dream rocket right to the very top o the entertainment ladder once, but he’s going to do it all over again with his second coming. Would you even hazard a guess as to where you’ll nd him or what you’ll call him next? President Snoop, perhaps? A long shot it may be, but would you really bet your lie on it? I an Austrian by the name o Arnold Schwarzenegger Schwarzenegger can go rom bodybuilder to action hero to governor o Caliornia, why can’t a gangster-turned-rap-superstar? We ound Snoop in LA to see what the U-S-o-A would look like under D-Odouble-G…

President snoop would… Gie ids dollar sills

“Man, I was the class clown at school,” Snoop tells us rom his studio in the laid-back Caliornian murmur that’s come to embody gangster rap in even the most remote corners o the planet. He sounds relaxed, really relaxed – something that denitely doesn’t surprise us given his 81-a-day habit (yes, really) o we-don’t-need-to-tell-you-what. “I had good enough grades to pass, and I never ailed, but I did a lot o clowning around. I was always rapping, dancing, singing… all kinds o bullshit like that. That created the character I am today, being able to speak and perorm in ront o people.” People like Cameron Diaz, who was in the year below him. “She was my little homegirl, getting weed rom me.” So, as a man who didn’t need to listen to a teacher to make his ortune but still

…Paint the white house blac

One o the perks o being President Snoop is moving into the most amous residence in the country country.. The White House has been home to every American premier premier since 1800 and is lled with luxury urnishings reecting the history o “the greatest greatest nation on Earth”. “The rst thing I’d do is give the White House a paint job,” he says. “I would have to paint the White House black. I’d change the oor, and it would be a marble oor with a mink-and-silk interior with butter-sot butter-sot leather seats and a bathroom made in crystal. You’d be peeing on diamonds. Yeah, black with white diamonds.” It’s not just 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue that would get the Snoop treatment, though. Kiss your national anthem goodbye too, America… “I wouldn’t stick with that ‘Oh say can you see’ bullshit. Fuck all that. It’s time or some new shit. I mean, I would have to write it with a couple o writers I know who would come over and do it. It’d be real big, real creative and make America eel right at home. Now, it’s so outdated. We need something that speaks to the people right now.”

…Sort out gun crime

“I I had to outlaw one thing, it’d be guns. I’d outlaw them to an extent where you have to be qualied to own one. You’d have to pass a demeanour test to see how you are under pressure, and what you’re gonna do when the pressure cracks you. There shouldn’t be no need or automatic weapons to be in the hands o regular citizens,” says Snoop as a man who’s no stranger to them. In the early days, beore world ame put him on a straighter path, he’d been arrested or possession o a handgun and came close c lose to a long stretch in prison ater being charged and later acquitted o murder in 1993. Ten years later,, he would be on the other side o the bullet as three later shooters opened re on his convoy travelling through LA. “It’ss just too easy to get a gun. I’m not just talking about “It’ walking into Walmart Walmart and picking one o the shel, I’m talking about walking into the hood and buying one on the street. It’s a hot topic here, but they’re not putting any control on it, they’re still just talking about it.”

…Turn ootball into the national sport

“I love soccer, man,” Snoop tells us, excitement in his voice. “I love it so much. I wanna learn how to play. I play the video games and I love watching it, but I’ve not ound my team to ollow yet. yet.”” This enthusiasm is backed up by a new documentary, also called Reincarnated , which tells the story o his journey to become Snoop Lion in Jamaica. On more than one occasion you’ll spot him trekking through the jungle to huge ganja plantations while wearing the new

HAVE TO “I WOULD HAVE PAINT THE THE WHITE PAINT HOUSEBLACK BLACK” HOUSE



























RAP team. Y’know, Ronaldinho. I I had my way, I would make sure it was on TV a lot more and all over the major networks. I’d put it on right ater an [American] ootball ootball or basketball game. I just love the sport.”

…Mae eerything ree

National holidays are way up there with peanut-butter-and-jam peanut-butt er-and-jam sandwiches, muscle cars and throwing pig skins as great American traditions. They can nd any excuse to crack open a can o Pabst Blue Ribbon and celebrate, rom Columbus Day on 14 October to Labour Day at the start o September. Snoop’s day? “My new national holiday would be Free Day. Everything is ree.

corners o the planet, Snoop’s pretty well qualied to know what overseas gems the American people are missing out on: “The red-light district. I like that. We don’t got no red-light district and we need one. The last time I was in Amsterdam it was just by accident,” he says, beore we inorm him that this is the excuse oered by by everyone who has ever walked through the city’s shadier corners. “It was an accident! I didn’t know what street I was on and all o a sudden the windows started to light up and there were bitches in them, so I had to stop. But then I regrouped and kept it moving through.” And when it comes to making an individual an honorary citizen, who would he pick? Perhaps someone who’s worked all their lie or world peace? Someone who’s ought or equality, who is loved without question universally, a true global hero? “Russell Crowe,” he says without even a slight hesitation, as i he’s had the idea o the Aussie pledging his allegiance since orever. “He loves to hang out. He’s just real cool, a real cool cat.”

“CAMERON DIAZ W AS MY LITT LE HOMEGIRL, GETTING WEED FROM ME” Any shop, pick out what you like: Free Day. Where would I go? I’d go straight into the dispensary [an American pharmacy]. Clear them out. U-Haul [removals] truck and just back it up. I think the people would vote or that, most denitely. I stand high on that statement.” He wouldn’t stop at just the one, though. As the president o the United States, Snoop gets as many holidays as he likes. On top o stripping the shelves o medication, he’s all or spending time with his wie and three kids: “Maybe one called Family Day, too. You gotta have a day where the whole amily gets together, goes or ood, goes to a movie and just enjoys enjoys each other’s other’s company. company. I’m a busy man, but we always try to get to have that day as much as possible, even i it’s

Snoop Lion’s album, Reincarnated , is out now

SNOOP’S PARTY TOWNS Want to party in the USA like the world’s biggest rapper? Here are the places Snoop instructs you to hit…

LOS ANGELES

“There’s hundreds of spots you can hit in LA. Head downtown by the Staples Centre, or go to Hollywood. You can go to Orange County – y’know what I’m saying? LA is the place to be.”

MIAMI

“Miami and LA are like kissing cousins. They got the beach life, the nightlife, the strip clubs, the beautiful women, the Latinas. It’s double the pleasure.”

ATLANTA

“There’s some great strip clubs here. They have Southern Belles, you understand me? One hundred percent black women who know how to



























17

NeW eDM

RIP SHM

Fill that SHM gap in your lie They’ve ruled the electro roost or ve years, but now that Seb Ingrosso, Axwell and Steve Angello have called it a day with SHM and gone in their separate directions, there’s a whole load o stadiums let partyless. Who’ll step up to the mark? Radio 1’s Dance Anthems king Danny Howard predicts which housey hitmakers will be lling their Swedish shoes… THE YOUNG PROTÉGÉ ALESSO “Seb Ingrosso’s new label Reune is bringing through young Swedish artists like 21-yearold Alesso. He’s just nailing it. His synths and drops are like rock-dance in a way – it’s got a guitar element that, together with electro, would ll a stadium amazingly. All it’s gonna take is one big hit and he’ll be there.” Essential listening: Clash

(2012)

THE HOT PROPERTY

but the secret ingredient is the melodies. T hat’s where the money’s at, and it would sound incredible in a stadium. It hooks you right in.”

Essential listening:

Silhouettes (2012)

THE vETERAN YOU NEED TO RETHINk ERIC PRYDz “Don’t rule him out because o his hit, Call On Me. That was actually a side project that blew up a nd went out o control. His sound away rom that is so dierent



























c r ri i m e m e m a as s t t e r r

s s ’ o g o g teer Daugh t

i s s r e ea D y y t o o r o o b b h e e ar t ts s Li t t t t l l e e M i i s s s s K a a p p o o o o r r i s s e x x a a c c t t l l y y t h h e e s o o r r t t o f f g i i r r l l y o o u u ’ ’d d w a a l l k k o v v e e r r t o o a n n d d a s s k k o u u t t . B u u t t w o o u u l l d d y o o u u s t t i i l l l l a s s k k h e e r r o u u t t i f f y o o u u k n n e e w w w h h o o h e e r r d a a d d d d y y i s s ? ?

Words by Kabeer Sharma





























SHRADDHA KAPOOR

























































SHRADDHA KAPOOR

t

he Kapoors are a peculiar bunch. For one, there’s just too many o them around, they all spell their names dierently and one out o ten have parents who have worked in Indian cinema. They come in all shapes and sizes – unapologetic u napologetic hotties, hot as hell mothers, newbie male actors, dyslexic actors with tantrums, those who specialise specialise in villainy and those who get bit roles in Hollywood movies. In other words, they are everywhere. So you’d imagine things would be dicult or Shraddha Sh raddha Kapoor. Only they aren’t. “We are taking over the industry. You You must have met a lot more o them than me though, so tell me what all are the shapes and sizes they come in?” Shraddha Kapoor is really excited and or good measure. Ater two movies she would rather not talk, her l atest – Aashiqui 2 is already a hit, its songs h ave become a rage, one specically soppy number nu mber has al ready received received 3.5 million Youtube views, and that she hasn’t slept or 36 hours. But she isn’t hopping o the walls excited, “It’s more like sit back with a cup o coee excited.” During the

a yellow one, which you would’ve pegged her down or. “It has nothing to do with a gothic phase, although I did go through one – all black nail paint, dark eyes etc.” No tattoos though. Piercings? There was a belly button piercing she got rid o because it made no sense to have one “i you aren’t going to expose it.” Miss Kapoor doesn’t expose. And it’s it’s not because her ather, the quintessential villain o Indian Cinema – Shakti Kapoor h anded her a list o Dos and Don’ts when she decided to jump onto the cinema bandwagon; but because Miss Kapoor is a little bit o a good gi rl. She aced psychology and biology (dissections were her avourite part with a rog, cockroaches and once even a bird bearing the brunt o it). She didn’t get into much trouble in school or even in college in Boston, she doesn’t have wild party nights, has a lways had more boys who who are riends tha n girls and she isn’t one o those “Ohhh look at my pink nails” kind ki nd o girl. “My ather doesn’t give me hell about what I wear. Maybe because there isn’t much more conservatively that I can dress than I currently do. I mean you saw how conservative I was at the shoot,” shoot,” she win ks. Like all hot girls who’ve had more boys as riends than women, Miss Kapoor also a lso suers rom the ‘I-am-chilled‘I-am-chilledout-but-I-can-imagine-girls-being-anal’ syndrome and somewhere somewhere between the movie promotions and the FHM shoot, the one thing she is pining or is to go ‘diving’. Y You ou see, has an a n ‘Advanced ‘Advanced Scuba Diver’ certicate and is a little bit o an adrenalin junkie. “I really want to go sky

























































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Whistle bloWers Iviws Andy Bassell Pais Andy Pasons and David Emey

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leonardo gaciba laying doWn the laW at rio’s engenhão stadium in 2006 and (centre) brazil’s fluminense coming to bloWs With paraguay’s cerro porteño in 2009

































Whistle bloWers THE NEW KID tom boWkett 22, qUALIFIED AS

AN FA rEFErEE IN 2008 A newcomer to the refng refng raternity, raternity, Tom ofciates on county ootball in and around Birmingham. He tells FHM what pulling on the black shirt means to him. I awas wad   ivvd i fa. I played a school, bu neve

even a a decen enouh sandad o be in a school eam, o be hones. So I conaced my local eeeein associaion and o on a couse. big a f u a igs a u a app i vda if . I wok

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10 things... you only do when the IPl Is on muggy, muggy, there will be no commentary and a retinal exam would hurt less than nding parking outside the ground. That’s loser talk or those who hadn’t managed to score a ticket to at least one IPL match because they were either too lazy, lazy, too cheap to pay or their own tickets and too low down in the social order to procure a ree pass. Nothing beats a live cricket match though — nothing. Unless o course, you are a Pune supporter and Chris Gayle is batting.

7

get a realIty check about the carrIbean carrIbean

Let’s make a list o things you knew about West Indies beore the IPL – They make rum, a Johnny Depp movie has indelibly linked the area to pirates, Robin Singh comes rom there, strangely large number o people there have Indian names like Rampaul, Chandrapaul etc., and their cricket board was going through a civil war. All this till you started watching Chris Gayle hit 100 runs only in sixes in a match.

10

Pretend hot anch an chor ors s & che cheer erlea leade ders rs are ar e ruIn ruInIng Ing cr crIck Icket et so wa if you can’ make ou a word of wa Rocelle Rao ay or e ime Karima Koak run ou of cricke idea? Everyone a a lea one uncle wo arrive a e oue wile cricke i on and deliver a monologue abou e baerdiaion of e game and e ue of women o make a tamasha. You nod, preend you are only wacing i for e cricke and mumble omeing abou ow you cange your cannel wen e girl ar dancing. ten ecrely wrie an email o FhM aking em o pa on your queion wen ey inerview e ceerleader nex ime.

6

Play at least one crIcket match So what i the total number o runs you have made playing cricket all your lie don’t add up to 100, you can’t catch a ball i the planet’s existence depended on it and you bowl worse than Adam Gilchrist? IPL is the time when even the most outo-shape, can’t hold a bat properly kind o men get inspired to make a work cricket team or atleast one game o cricket. Plus, how hard can it really be? Your belly is only as at as Sehwag’s. s. So what i the 20 over game o cricket ends in 6 overs with our batsmen scoring ducks, three aintings and 11 people in oce walking like there is a rod inserted horizontally up their bums.

5

not fIddle wIth your Phone at a bar/Party Your most oten quoted quote is the one rom Seineld that talks about how you are 30 and you have

do is to nd a place near the TV and grab a beer.

4

suPPort australIan Players Owing largely to their general ondness or bashing Indians on the cricket eld, outside pubs and in college campuses or a larger hemispherical envy, or all practical reasons, Australians are some o the worst, sledging-loving India haters to ever walk the earth, or us. Except or the three blokes on MasterChe Australia and Kylie Minogue. But it’s quite something when Michael Hussey and the rest o the gang start belting sixes like you do on Stick Cricket , isn’t it?

3

admIt some someone one else else Plays Play s better crIcket than sachIn He plays or Mumbai, you live in Delhi. How can you not support the Delhi Daredevils? Plus, with the sort o orm he is in, it’s getting more and more dicult to deend calling him the god o all things cricket.

2

bond wIth your fathern The last time you both spoke to each other was that one time you called your mother and he answered the phone. But IPL means 56 days o non-stop cricket. It also means he will want to talk to someone about it. You on the other hand have spent most o your lie with three riends, two o whom think cricket is or pansies and the third doesn’t drink a drop o alcohol. Your ather and you will become the non-sexual, male version o a hero and heroine running towards each other in slow motion with cricket on in the background.

1

mIss MAd Men Don Draper’s sharp suited narcissism, Joan’s tight pencil skirts and drinking in the day – the last time you missed an episode o this promised land was only when your ex called you or a midnight booty call.





















































DCP No. DELENG 17964

140698249-FHM-India-2013-05

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