Approach Anxiety

Approach Anxiety Notes I. What are some causes of approach anxiety? 1. Hardwired from evolutionary times 2. Socialization: how you were brought up 3. Lacking a skill: nervous because we don’t know how to do it 4. Value calculations: Could you start a conversation with a 12yr old girl or a fat ugly girl? YES, but if I asked you to start a conversation with a playmate could you do that?

II. What are some strategies for dealing with approach anxiety? 1. Practice makes perfect a. Just get out there and approach as many girls as possible until you are desensitized 2. Not caring (outcome independence). a. Who cares you’ll never see her again anyways 3. Self Esteem: the cause of every inner game issue. a. We think the girls above us. b. Get your value from yourself not the girl 4. Acceptance: Accept approach anxiety

5. Reframing: Change the context

a. Social experiment b. Just trying things out c. See if she meets your standards 6. Change your state a. Be talkative b. Listen to music c. Talk to friends d. Give high fives e. Smile f. Use your breadth to calm yourself 7. Progressive Desensitization: start small and work your way up Example: First: Walk towards a woman you find attractive (repeat 20 times) Next: Just say “hello” then walk away (repeat 20 times) Next: Ask women “where’s the nearest Starbucks?” (repeat 20 times) Etc. 8. Creative Visualization: Visualize the approach and how it would go. The same muscles and parts of your brain will be activated as if you actually approached

III. Other Things to Consider 1. If she doesn’t know who you are as a person then she’s not rejecting you

2. Thinking is death in the field.

a. Be fully present and in the moment b. Don’t think about it, just start walking towards her 3. If you have value calculation issues then you can start with less attractive women and work your way up 4. Can you approach a girl and ask her, “excuse me, where’s the nearest Starbucks?” If you can do that, then you don’t have approach anxiety, end of story!

IV. Infield Assignments: 1. Sit down either today or tomorrow, in a public place and make a list of 20 observations and what kind of comment you could make. Examples: interesting clothing, jewelry, body language, style, energy, etc. Examples: “cool scarf”, “you have an awesome sense of style”, “that’s such a unique necklace, was that a gift or something you bought for yourself?”, “you have such a confident walk” 2. Make as many observations and comments as possible. Anytime you see any of the 20 observations that you wrote down, say a quick “throw away” comment. Remember, it doesn’t matter if he/she responds. The point is that YOU say something. This will keep you in a social state 24/7. 3. Ask two women a day for directions OR for their opinion on something. Examples:

“Excuse me, do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?” “Excuse me, do you know what time it is?” “Hey this is random, but I need a female opinion on something…” (if you’re more advanced) V. Next Week… Make sure you do these exercises because next week we’ll be talking about how to approach women during the day (day game), so the assignments will start getting tougher as we’ll begin moving a lot quicker.