Monday 7th April @ 3pm
How to free yourself and assert your rights Part One In 2009 I was at an all time low I was deeply unhappy in my marriage and !ery depressed At my worst point I "nally #on"ded in my parents and they de#ided to pay for me to ha!e treatment at argua$ly one of the $est fa#ilities in the world %uring my time there I em$ar&ed on an une'pe#ted (ourney of self dis#o!ery dis#o!ery and $egan my life)long life)long *uest to gain greater greater psy#hologi#al &nowledge and understanding It is a (ourney whi#h has gi!en me many insights into human nature and one I ha!e found profoundly rewarding One of the !ery "rst things I was introdu#ed to when I got treatment was the notion that all of us ha!e $asi# rights we are $orn with +hese rights are separate from our legal human rights howe!er they are (ust as intrinsi# to our !ery $eing In one of my !ery "rst asserti!eness #lasses I was gi!en a list of these $asi# rights I would later dis#o!er these were ta&en from Anne %i#&son,s $oo& -A .oman In /our Own ight1 Asserti!eness And /ou, Although the $oo& spea&s to woman the rights and asserti!eness prin#iples outlined in her $oo& are uni!ersal and are (ust as appli#a$le to men .ith no prior &nowledge of psy#hology I was astounded $y some of the rights written $efore me in $la#& and white eing naturally passi!e it had ne!er o##urred o##urred to me that as Anne so elo*uently puts it 4I ha!e the right to $e treated with respe#t as an intelligent #apa$le and e*ual human $eing5 efore ha!ing treatment and #oming into #onta#t with Anne,s wor& a large portion of my life was spent angry with others and ne!er *uite understanding why I was o!erwhelmed with a sense of !alidation as I read through Anne,s list of our rights ea#h one designed to honour our innate dignity as human $eings e#ause I had ne!er &nown what my rights were I had allowed others to !iolate them throughout my life without e!en realising it In reading Anne,s list of rights it was as if I had (ust $een told I had $een a prisoner prisoner all of my life and I had had suddenly realised why I felt so trapped 6inally I was li$erated $e#ause I now &new where my anger had #ome from $ut ) most li$erating of all ) I #ould ensure these rights were no longer !iolated $y using asserti!eness In her $oo& -A .oman In /our Own ight1 Asserti!eness And /ou, Anne %i#&son lists the following as our intrinsi# rights1 8 I ha!e the right right to state my own needs needs and set my own priorities priorities as a person independent from any roles that I may assume in my life5 28 I ha!e the right to to $e treated treated with respe#t as an intelligent #apa$le and e*ual human $eing 38 I ha!e the the right right to e'pres e'press s my feelings feelings
8 I ha!e the right right to e'pr e'press ess my opinion opinions s and !alues !alues :8 I ha!e the right right to say say -no, and -yes, -yes, for myself myself ;8 I ha!e the right right to ma&e ma&e mista&es mista&es and forgi!e forgi!e myself myself 78 I ha!e the right right to #hange #hange my mind mind <8 I ha!e the right right to say -I -I don,t understand, understand, and as& for more more information 98 I ha!e the right right to as& for for what what I want want 088 0 I ha! ha!e e the the righ ight tto o de# de#li line ne respo espons nsi$ i$il ilit ity y ffor or other ther peopl eople es pro$lems 88 I ha! ha!e e the the righ ight tto o dea deall wit with h oth other ers s wit with hout $ein $eing gd dep epen ende den nt on them for appro!al Ha!e others !iolated your rights when intera#ting with you in the past= How did this lea!e you feeling= .hen these rights are !iolated we #an often feel angry we are not $eing treated with the #onsideration and respe#t we deser!e > and rightly so? +hese are after all our fundamental rights from $irth and are the $asis of our most $asi# $oundaries e't wee& we,ll e'plore how these rights #an ae#t our self)esteem self)esteem and ea#h right will $e loo&ed at in more detail so we #an $etter understand the importan#e of them in our e!eryday li!es B'er#ises1 8 ote down down the rights rights whi#h ha!e ha!e $een !iolated !iolated against against you 28 +ry to memorise memorise the rights rights that ha!e $een !iolated against against you so you #an more easily re#ognise when they are $eing !iolated in future 6urther resour#es1 CA .oman In /our Own ight1 Asserti!eness and /ou8 $y Anne %i#&son a!aila$le on AmaDon Monday th April @ 3pm
How to free yourself and assert your rights Part +wo
East wee& we dis#o!ered Anne %i#&son,s list of rights as outlined in her $oo& -Asserti!eness and /ou1 A .oman In /our Own ight, +hese are intrinsi# rights whi#h we were all $orn with and in asserting these rights we re#ognise our own worth as digni"ed human $eings In fa#t the !ery a#t of asserting these rights ser!es to $oost our self)esteem self)esteem Eet,s e'plore them in more detail to $etter understand them and the importan#e they hold in our li!es “I have the right to state my own needs and set my own priorities as a person, independent from any roles that I may assume in my life.” +his life.” +his right re#ognises our e'isten#e $eyond the roles we inha$it Cwhether they $e that of a hus$and wife mother or father8 and a##epts we ha!e priorities $eyond the realms of those roles .e are all at our #ore indi!iduals and this right highlights we should $e treated as su#h In truth to ha!e priorities for oursel!es outside of the roles we inha$it is healthy as it promotes a sense of autonomy and indi!iduality “I have the right to be treated with respect as an intelligent, capable and equal human being.” +his being.” +his is one of our most $asi# rights and yet one that is !iolated all too often A$solutely all of us deser!e to $e treated with respe#t “I have the right to express my feelings.” f eelings.” Howe!er Howe!er we may sometimes feel we were all $orn with worth and your feelings are (ust as !alua$le as anyone else,s In e'pressing your feelings to others you are su$#ons#iously #ommuni#ating you positi!e self)worth Indeed the !ery a#t of others listening to your feelings is !alidating and may e!en #ontri$ute towards impro!ing your self)esteem “I have the right to express my opinions and values.” .e values.” .e all ha!e the right to our own opinions $eliefs and !alues +his may sound simple perhaps e!en o$!ious $ut all too often others try to impress their opinions $eliefs and !alues upon us negating our right to our own opinions $eliefs and !alues in the pro#ess p ro#ess .hen they refuse refuse to allow us the freedom to #hoose our own opinions $eliefs and !alues they are !iolating our rights on a fundamental le!el If this right is !iolated fre*uently and o!er a prolonged period of time it #an lower our self) esteem and #an e!en lead to depression depression in some se!ere #ases If we are to maintain a healthy sense of self this right must $e prote#ted “I have the right to say ‘no’ and ‘yes’ for myself.” myself.” .hen others say no and yes for us they are ma&ing de#isions for us $ased upon their priorities and !alues It is our fundamental right to ma&e our own de#isions $ased upon our own priorities and !alues .hen others !iolate this right it disempowers us and this silently #ommuni#ates to others and to oursel!es that we are in#apa$le of ma&ing de#isions > whi#h is a #omplete falla#y? If this right is !iolated o!er time it #an redu#e our self) esteem and so it is #riti#al we assert our right to say no and yes for oursel!es
“I have the right to mae mistaes and forgive myself.” B!ery myself.” B!ery person without e'#eption ma&es mista&es and this right reinfor#es the right to ma&e those mista&es and forgi!e oursel!es for doing so understanding that no one is perfe#t .e also ha!e the right to feel #omforta$le in admitting our mista&es to others “I have the right to change my mind.” Ba#h of us has the right to #hange our mind no matter what the #ir#umstan#e or reason “I have the right to say ‘I don’t understand’ and as for more information.” Fsually information.” Fsually when we don,t understand we simply need further #lari"#ation +his right ena$les us to feel #omforta$le in admitting to when we don,t understand and feel #on"dent in as&ing for more information information “I have the right to as for what I want.” +his want.” +his right highlights that our wants are (ust as !alid as anyone else,s .e ha!e e!ery right to ma&e reasona$le re*uests re*uests of others and as& for what we want “I have the right to decline responsibility for other peoples problems.” Generally problems.” Generally our own pro$lems are enough to #ontend with without others imposing their pro$lems onto us also If others e'#laim their pro$lems to us we are within our rights to refuse responsi$ility responsi$ility for them %epending on the situation we may not only ta&e responsi$ility for others pro$lems $ut try to res#ue them too too Howe!er if this is the #ase it is worth remem$ering remem$ering that when we try to res#ue others we may in fa#t $e ser!ing to disempower them “I have the right to deal with others without being dependent dep endent on them for approval.” +his approval.” +his right reminds us that we do not need to see& the appro!al of others when dealing with them and frees us to deal with people a##ording to our own set of !alues and $eliefs $el iefs In addition we ha!e the right to $e either misera$le or #heerful no matter who we are with or where!er we are .e ha!e the right to $eha!e how we feel without ha!ing to a#t for other peoples $ene"t e't wee& we will e'plore how to empower oursel!es to assert these rights whi#h will ser!e to signi"#antly $oost our self)esteem self)esteem B'er#ises1 8 Eist the top three three rights whi#h you "nd ha!e $een !iolated against you 28 Out of the three three rights rights #hoose one you would li&e li&e to wor& on asserting ne't wee& 6urther resour#es1
CA .oman In /our Own ight1 Asserti!eness and /ou8 $y Anne %i#&son a!aila$le on AmaDon Monday 2st April @ 3pm
How to free yourself and assert your rights Part +hree East wee& we e'amined ea#h right and saw how signi"#ant they all were in maintaining our sense of worth and self)esteem +his wee& we will loo& at how to $egin asserting these rights to others en#ouraging them to treat us with the #onsideration and respe#t we all deser!e Ba#h and e!ery right ser!es to emphasise our self)worth as digni"ed #ompetent and e*ual human $eings .hen any of our fundamental rights are !iolated it silently #ommuni#ates that either we are in#apa$le or of less worth than others > neither of whi#h are true +han&fully it is within our #ontrol to refuse others !iolating our rights +he "rst step to prote#ting prote#ting our rights rights is to memorise memorise them so we #an #an *ui#&ly re#ognise when they ha!e $een !iolated +he se#ond step is to #almly deal with those who ha!e !iolated our rights in an asserti!e way way In $eing asserti!e we #reate the right in *uestion as a personal $oundary and !o#alise this to others +o +o ee#ti!ely assert yourself yourself follow these four simple simple steps1 8 A#&nowledge what the person has has said Bg Bg -I understand understand that is your opinion, 28 tate the fa#ts Bg -I ha!e the right to my own opinion opinion it is (ust dierent than yours, 38 tate the impa#t Bg -I am oended and angry $y your #omment #omment that my opinion is wrong, 8 tate what you you want Bg -If we share share dierent opinions in future future I would appre#iate it if you would refrain from stating my opinion as wrong, 6or a more in)depth e'ploration of asserti!eness te#hni*ues please read ne't months series -Asserti!eness1 A ourney .orth +a&ing, On#e we are aware of our rights and #an assert them ee#ti!ely we are deli!ering a powerful message A message that we deser!e to $e listened to and ta&en seriously y $eing asserti!e we #ommuni#ate to others that we not only respe#t oursel!es $ut that we also e'pe#t others to treat us with that same le!el of respe#t
Eoo&ing $a#& I feel truly lu#&y to ha!e #ome into #onta#t with Anne %i#&son,s wor& It is no e'aggeration to say that the "rst time I read my rights I had one of the most !alidating and li$erating e'perien#es of my life oin me and let,s es#ape from our #ells where our rights are !iolated using asserti!eness as our &ey After a lifetime of #on"nement freedom and li$erty now await us B'er#ises1 8 Jhoose Jhoose one of Annes Annes rights whi#h whi#h you ha!e e'peri e'perien#ed en#ed $eing $eing !iolated on a regular $asis .rite down how you would state the fa#ts state the impa#t and state what you want as des#ri$ed a$o!e 28 ole ole play with someone #lose #lose to you you how you you will assert assert this $oundary 38 Memorise your asserti!e asserti!e response response so that you #an more more easily assert yourself the ne't time this right is !iolated emem$er to ha!e a #alm steady tone of !oi#e whilst asserting yourself yourself 6urther resour#es1 CA .oman In /our Own ight1 Asserti!eness and /ou8 $y Anne %i#&son a!aila$le on AmaDon
