It’s It ’s Alwa Always ys Su Sunn nny y In Ph Phil ilad adel elph phia ia "The "T he Ga Gang ng Ha Has s a Pub Pub Sal ale" e" Writte Wri tten n By Zach Mahassine Mahassine
807 N. Al 807 Alfr fre ed St St, , Ap Apt t #5 West We st Ho Holl llyw ywoo ood, d, CA 90 9006 069 9 315.941.8478
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COLD CO LD OP OPEN EN TITL TI TLE: E: 11 11:3 :30 0 am TITL TI TLE: E: On a Th Thur ursd sday ay TITLE: TIT LE: Phi Philad ladelp elphia hia, , PA OVER OV ER TI TITL TLES ES WE HE HEAR AR: : DEE (V. (V.O.) O.) That’s jus That’s just t rid ridicu iculou lous. s. MAC (V.O.) (V.O.) I so co coul uld d do it it, , dude dude. . DEE (V. (V.O.) O.) No, you No, you co coul uldn dn’t ’t. . MAC (V. (V.O.) O.) Denn De nnis is, , ba back ck me up up. . FADE FA DE IN IN: : INT. IN T. PA PADD DDY’ Y’S S PU PUB. B. AT TH THE E BA BAR. R. DA DAY. Y. Denn De nnis is, , Ma Mac, c, an and d De Dee e si sit t at th the e ba bar r dr drin inki king ng be beer ers. s. DENNIS As much as I hate to do it, I’m goin go ing g to ha have ve to ag agre ree e wi with th Sw Swee eet t Dee De e on th this is on one, e, Mac ac. . MAC Well, maybe not on a bike, but in a foot fo ot ra race ce I’ I’d d wr wrec eck k th that at ja jabr bron oni. i. DENNIS No, no No, no. . Ev Eve en in a fo foot ot ra race ce. . La Lanc nce e Armstr Arm strong ong wou would ld des destro troy y you you. . MAC The Th e ma man n on onl ly ha has s one ball ball. . DENNIS You say that like it is a bad thing. MAC How Ho w is ha havi ving ng one one ba ball ll ev ever er a go goo od thing?
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DENNIS Thin Th ink k ab abou out t it it. . By re remo movi ving ng on one e of his hi s ba ball lls, s, La Lanc nce e Ar Arms mstr tron ong g ha has s ma made de his hi s bo body dy li ligh ghte ter r an and d mo more re aero ae rody dyna nami mic. c. He He’s ’s craft crafted ed a fi fine nely ly tuned tun ed rac racing ing mac machin hine. e. DEE Wait Wa it. . Wa Wait it. . Wa Wait it. . Ho Hold ld on on. . Ar Are e yo you u tryi tr ying ng to sa say y th that at La Lanc nce e Ar Arms mstr tron ong, g, remo re move ved d on one e of hi his s te test stic icle les s to wi win n a ra race ce? ? DENNIS Yes, Ye s, De Dee. e. Tha hat t is exac exactl tly y wh what at I am saying. DEE The Th e ma man n had had ca canc ncer er. . DENNIS It wa was s a co cove ver. r. Ev Ever eryb ybod ody y ro root ots s fo for r the th e gu guy y wi with th ca canc ncer er. . MAC He al almo most st di died ed. . DENNIS Righ Ri ght. t... .. bu but t he di didn dn’t ’t th thou ough gh, , di did d he? he ? He go got t be bett tter er, , an and d no now w he ma mak kes a fo fort rtun une e on th thos ose e hi hide deou ous s lo look okin ing g bracelets. DEE Thos Th ose e ar are e fo for r char charit ity. y. DENNIS Sure Su re th they ey ar are, e, De Dee. e. Ke Keep ep te tell llin ing g yourself yourself that. Char Ch arli lie e wa walk lks s in into to th the e ba bar r ca carr rryi ying ng a la larg rge e ga garb rbag age e ba bag. g. CHARLIE Guys Gu ys. . Gu Guys ys. . Gu Guys ys. . I ju just st sa saw w th this is show sh ow an and d it ga gave ve me a gr gre eat id idea ea. . MAC Charli Char lie. e. Do yo you u thin think k I co coul uld d be beat at Lanc La nce e Ar Arms mstr tron ong g in a ra race ce? ? CHARLIE Oh, def defini initel tely y dud dude. e.
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MAC Than Th ank k yo you. u. Th Ther ere, e, you you se see? e? CHARLIE The guy has to be like a hundred by now, no w, ri righ ght? t? An And d I fe feel el li like ke yo you u neve ne ver r ge get t use sed d to be bein ing g bac ack k on Eart Ea rth h on once ce yo you u wa walk lked ed on th the e mo moon on. . Char Ch arli lie e du dump mps s th the e co cont nten ents ts of th the e ga garb rbag age e ba bag g on onto to th the e ba bar. r. DENNIS/DEE/MAC What th What the e he hell ll?/ ?/Co Come me on on, , Charlie./Dude! CHARLIE Huh? What Huh? What do yo you u th thin ink? k? DENNIS I th thin ink k yo you u ju just st mad ade e th thi is ba bar r lo look ok even ev en wo wors rse e th than an it di did d be befo fore re. . What Wh at’s ’s go goin ing g on on? ? CHARLIE Well, Well , I wa was s wa watc tchi hing ng th this is sh show ow. . Thes Th ese e pe peop ople le br brin ing g so some me of th thei eir r shit sh it to th this is du dude de, , an and d th this is du dude de look lo oks s at it an and d te tell lls s th the em it its s wort wo rth h li like ke a mi mill llio ion n bu buck cks. s. MAC Dude! Dud e! "An "Antiq tiques ues Roa Roadsh dshow. ow." " Tha That t show sh ow is sa sa-w -wee eet. t. CHARLIE Righ Ri ght? t? I fi figu gure red, d, I’ I’ve ve go got t to tons ns of shit sh it. . Sh Shit it I’ I’ll ll ne neve ver r ne need ed. . I co coul uld d sell it and buy like a mansion or a rock ro cket et sh ship ip or so some meth thin ing. g. He Hey! y! Do you yo u th thin ink k La Lanc nce e Ar Arms mstr tron ong g wo woul uld d sell se ll hi his s to me me? ? DENNIS I th thin ink k yo you’ u’re re on to so some meth thin ing, g, Char Ch arli lie, e, no not t ab abou out t th the e ro rock cket et sh ship ip - th that at’s ’s ju just st pl plai ain n st stup upid id - bu but t ther th ere e is po pote tent ntia ial l fo for r a lo lot t of mone mo ney y to be ma made de he here re. . DEE Who’ Wh o’s s go goin ing g to be st stup upid id en enou ough gh to buy bu y yo your ur cr crap ap? ?
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MAC Peop Pe ople le ar are e mo moro rons ns, , De Dee. e. Th They ey’l ’ll l bu buy y anything. CHARLIE Yeah Ye ah. . Ha Have ven’ n’t t yo you u ev ever er he hear ard d th the e sayi sa ying ng: : "O "One ne ma man’ n’s s tr tras ash h be beco come mes s anothe ano ther r man man’s ’s tra trash? sh?" " DEE It’s It ’s "o "one ne ma man’ n’s s tr tras ash h is an anot othe her r man’s treasure." treasure." CHARLIE Why Wh y wo woul uld d an anyo yone ne th thro row w aw away ay trea tr easu sure re De Dee? e? Yo You u do don’ n’t t go th thro rowi wing ng away aw ay tr trea easu sure re, , un unle less ss yo you’ u’re re li like ke a pirate pir ate or som someth ething ing. . MAC Pirate Pir ates s don don’t ’t thr throw ow awa away y tre treasu asure, re, Char Ch arli lie. e. Th They ey bu bury ry it it. . CHARLIE Right. Lep Right. Leprec rechau hauns ns thr throw ow awa away y treasure. MAC No, Lep Leprec rechau hauns ns hide hide tre treasu asure. re. CHARLIE Magicians? MAC Make Ma ke tr trea easu sure re disa disapp ppea ear, r, bu but t th they ey usua us uall lly y br brin ing g it back back. . CHARLIE The Th e po poin int t is is, , no on one e th thro rows ws aw away ay trea tr easu sure re. . Pe Peop ople le on only ly th thro row w aw away ay thei th eir r sh shit it. . We We’r ’re e ju just st go goin ing g to sell sel l our ours. s. DEE So yo you’ u’re re ha havi ving ng a gara garage ge sa sale le? ? DENNIS No. No No. No. . No No, , Sw Swee eet t De Dee. e. We We’r ’re e ha havi ving ng a pu pub b sa sale le. . CUT CU T TO TO: :
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MAIN MAI N TIT TITLES LES Titl Ti tle: e: "T "The he Ga Gang ng Ha Has s a Pu Pub b Sa Sale le" " Titl Ti tle: e: "I "It’ t’s s Al Alwa ways ys Su Sunn nny y In Ph Phil ilad adel elph phia ia" " ACT AC T ON ONE: E: FADE FA DE IN IN: : INT. IN T. PA PADD DDY’ Y’S S PU PUB. B. NE NEAR AR TH THE E BO BOOT OTHS HS. . TH THE E NE NEXT XT DA DAY. Y. Denn De nnis is is se sett ttin ing g up hi his s st stat atio ion. n. Th Ther ere e ar are e po post ster ers s of hi him m in se sedu duct ctiv ive e po pose ses s mo mode deli ling ng th the e cl clot othe hes. s. He dr dres esse ses s a mann ma nneq equi uin. n. De Dee e wa walk lks s in into to th the e ba bar r ou out t of br brea eath th, , st stru rugg ggli ling ng to pu push sh he her r bo box x of st stuf uff. f. Sh Shoe oes s fa fall ll ou out t as sh she e pu push shes es. . DEE Dennis Den nis... ... a lit little tle... ... help? help? DENNIS Kind Ki nda a bu busy sy he here re, , Dee. Dee. Dennis Denn is sm smoo ooth ths s ou out t th the e sh shir irt t on th the e ma mann nneq equi uin. n. De Dee e st stop ops s push pu shin ing g an and d be begi gins ns ta taki king ng th thin ings gs ou out. t. DEE Wher Wh ere’ e’d d yo you u ge get t the the ma mann nneq equi uin? n? DENNIS Woah Wo ah! ! Wh What at th the e he hell ll do yo you u th thin ink k you yo u ar are e do doin ing? g?! ! DEE I’m se I’m sett ttin ing g up my st stuf uff f for th the e garage gar age sal sale. e. DENNIS Nope No pe. . No Not t ri righ ght t he here re you’ you’re re not. not. DEE What Wh at? ? Why Why no not? t? DENNIS Dee, De e, do I re real ally ly have have to ex expl plai ain n this th is to yo you? u? Ar Are e yo you u re real ally ly th that at dumb? DEE You’re You’ re du dumb mb. . Do yo you u - do yo you u sm smel ell l that?
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Charli Char lie e wa walk lks s in wi with th a ga garb rbag age e ba bag g fu full ll of st stuf uff f an and d du dump mps s it on the ba bar r th then en wa walk lks s ba bac ck ou out. t. DEE No.. No .... .. Is th that at.. ... . Ar Are e yo you. u... .. Ar Are e you wea wearin ring g col cologn ogne? e? DENNIS I’m I’ m gl glad ad yo you u no noti tice ced. d. I’ I’ve ve sp spra raye yed d it ove ver r al all l of my cl clot othe hes s. Ever Ev eryw ywhe here re. . As so soon on as an anyo yone ne wa walk lks s into in to th the e ba bar, r, th they ey wi will ll be comp co mpel elle led d to in inst stan antl tly y co come me ov over er to my are rea. a. It It’s ’s al all l pa part rt of my th thre ree e tier tie r mar market keting ing str strate ategy: gy: An attrac att ractiv tive e dis displa play, y, lig light ht jaz jazz z musi mu sic, c, an and d th the e ir irre resi sist stib ible le sc scen ent t of Dr Drak akka kar r No Noir ir. . DEE You Yo u sm smel ell l li like ke Fran Frank’ k’s s sw swea eaty ty balls. Mac Ma c wa wal lks in wit ith h a gar arba bage ge ba bag g fu full ll of st stu uff an and d du dump mps s in on th the e ba bar. r. He st stop ops. s. MAC Is th that at Drak Drakka kar? r? DENNIS See? No See? Now w ge get t ou out t of he here re, , De Dee. e. Ju Just st bein be ing g ne next xt to yo you u wi will ll br brin ing g do down wn the th e va valu lue e of ev ever eryt ythi hing ng I ha have ve. . DEE Fine Fi ne. . Ca Can n you at lea east st he help lp me mo move ve the th e bo box? x? It we weig ighs hs li like ke a to ton. n. DENNIS Well, Well , yo you u sh shou ould ld ha have ve th thou ough ght t of that th at be befo fore re, , sh shou ould ldn’ n’t t yo you u ha have ve? ? Dee st Dee sta art rts s pu pus shi hing ng he her r bo box x to th the e po pool ol ta tabl ble e ar area ea of th the e bar. ba r. Ch Char arli lie e wa walk lks s in ag agai ain n wi with th an anot othe her r ba bag g fu full ll of ga garb rbag age e and an d du dum mps it on th the e bar ar. . De Den nni nis s wa walk lks s ov over er to th them em hurriedly.
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INT. IN T. PA PADD DDY’ Y’S S PU PUB. B. NE NEAR AR TH THE E BA BAR. R. CO CONT NTIN INUO UOUS US. . DENNIS Stop! Stop ! Wh What at do yo you u gu guys ys th thin ink k yo you’ u’re re doing? MAC Denn De nnis is, , lo look ok at al all l th this is aw awes esom ome e shit sh it Ch Char arli lie e ha had d at hi his s ap apar artm tmen ent. t. DENNIS You’ Yo u’re re ma maki king ng th this is pl plac ace e lo look ok li like ke a du dump mp. . Is th that at a us used ed to toot oth h br brus ush? h? CHARLIE Whoops Whoo ps. . How’ How’d d th that at gu guy y ge get t in there? Charli Char lie e ru runs ns it cr cros oss s hi his s te teet eth h an and d th then en pu puts ts it in hi his s pock po cket et. . De Denn nnis is be begi gins ns lo look okin ing g th thro roug ugh h th the e pi pile le. . DENNIS No one is goi oing ng to bu buy y th this is st stuf uff f, Look Lo ok, , th this is co comb mb on only ly ha has s fo four ur teeth, and is that - is that a half eate ea ten n ba bag g of ch chip ips? s? Frank Fran k walk walks s in into to th the e ba bar r wi with th an anot othe her r ba bag g of ga garb rbag age e an and d dump du mps s it on th the e ba bar. r. FRANK What Wh at sm smel ells ls li like ke my ba ball lls? s? DEE (O.S.) That’s Tha t’s Den Dennis nis’ ’ mar market keting ing str strate ategy. gy. DENNIS Come Co me on on! ! CHARLIE Yo, Yo , Ma Mac. c. Ma Mayb ybe e we sh shou ould ld do a litt li ttle le bi bit t of ou our r ow own n ma mark rket eter erin ing g strate str ategie gies. s. Bri Bring ng som some e mor more e peo people ple into in to th the e ba bar. r. Ha Hang ng up so some me fl flie iers rs. . Advert Adv ertisi ising ng and wha whatno tnot. t. MAC Say Sa y no mo more re Ch Char arli lie, e, I’ I’m m in in. . Th This is plac pl ace e is em empt ptie ier r th than an De Dee’ e’s s be bedr droo oom m on a Sa Satu turd rday ay ni nigh ght. t. De Denn nnis is, , ca can n you yo u ha hand ndle le th this is un unti til l I ge get t ba back ck? ?
8. DENNIS Get ou Get out t of he here re be befo fore re I mu murd rder er the both bo th of yo you. u. MAC Thanks Tha nks, , man man. . CHARLIE Yoink. Charli Char lie e ta take kes s th the e ba bag g of ch chip ips s fr from om De Denn nnis is an and d he an and d Ma Mac c leave. DENNIS Idiots. FRANK Yeah. Mor Yeah. Morons ons. . Fran Fr ank k ru runs ns th the e co comb mb fr from om th the e ju junk nk pi pile le th thro roug ugh h hi his s ha hair ir. . CUT CU T TO TO: : EXT. EXT . SUB SUBURB URBAN AN NEI NEIGHB GHBORH ORHOOD OOD. . LAT LATER. ER. Mac an Mac and d Ch Char arli lie e ar are e wa walk lkin ing g up th the e si side dewa walk lk. . Ch Char arli lie e is eati ea ting ng th the e "j "jun unk k pi pile le ch chip ips. s." " He ha hand nds s ou out t fl flie iers rs to pe peop ople le as th they ey wa walk lk by by: : A MO MOM M PU PUSH SHIN ING G ST STRO ROLL LLER ER. . A MA MAN N WA WALK LKIN ING G HI HIS S DOG. DO G. A th thir irte teen en ye year ar-o -old ld BO BOY Y IN RO ROLL LLER ERBL BLAD ADES ES. . MAC Pretty Pre tty swe sweet, et, bro. bro. CHARLIE I kn know ow, , ri righ ght? t? Th Thin ink k of ho how w mu much ch more mo re yo you u co coul uld d do if yo you u ha had d mo monk nkey ey feet fe et. . Yo You u co coul uld d ha hang ng fr from om tr tree ees s an and d eat ea t a wh whol ole e me mess ss of ba bana nana nas s an and, d, and an d ho hold ld mo more re ex extr tra a st stuf uff f th than an yo you u usually usually could. could. MAC Yeah. Yeah . Ye Yeah ah. . Yo You u kn know ow wh what at I’ I’m m go goin ing g to bu buy y wi with th th the e mo mone ney? y? CHARLIE No. No . Wh What at? ? Te Tell ll me me. . Co Come me on on. . Tell Tell me. me . I wa want nt to kn know ow. . Te Tell ll me no now. w. MAC Jesu Je sus, s, Ch Char arli lie. e. Ca Calm lm do down wn.. ... . A dunebuggy.
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CHARLIE A dun dunebu ebuggy ggy? ? MAC Hell He ll, , ye yeah ah. . A bada badass ss du dune nebu budd ddy. y. CHARLIE Why Wh y wo woul uld d you wa wast ste e yo your ur mo mone ney y on a dunebuggy? MAC It wou ould ldn’ n’t t be a was aste te - - Ch Chic icks ks dig di g du dude des s in du dune nebu bugg ggie ies. s. CHARLIE Is th that at true true? ? MAC Of co cour urse se it its s tr true ue, , Ch Char arli lie. e. Everyo Eve ryone ne kno knows ws tha that. t. CHARLIE I’ve I’ ve ne neve ver r he hear ard d th that at. . I th thin ink k yo you u migh mi ght t be ma maki king ng it up up. . MAC I’m not - I’m not making it up. Goddam God dammit mit, , Cha Charli rlie, e, chi chicks cks dig dunebuggies. CHARLIE What Wh atev ever er ma man, n, al all l ri righ ght. t. Ca Calm lm do down wn. . Chicks Chi cks dig dun dunebu ebuggi ggies. es. You You’re ’re right. MAC Thank Tha nk you you! ! CHARLIE (to him himsel self) f) But, Bu t, th they ey di dig g mo monk nkey eys s more more. . An AT ATTR TRAC ACTI TIVE VE WO WOMA MAN N wa walk lks s by by, , sm smil ilin ing g at Ma Mac. c. He ta take kes s on one e of th the e fl flie iers rs fr from om Ch Char arli lie e an and d ha hand nds s it to he her. r. MAC Hi. Ho Hi. How w ar are e ya ya? ? Hi. Hi. She Sh e ha has s a co conf nfus used ed lo look ok on her fa face ce an and d th the en wa walk lks s aw away ay. . CHARLIE Dude Du de. . Sh She e was was ho hot. t.
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MAC Oh my Go God. d. So hot. hot. Righ Right? t? CHARLIE So ho hot. t. Yo You u sh shou ould ld sh show ow he her r yo your ur dunebuggy. MAC But, Bu t, wh what at wa was s that that look look sh she e ga gave ve us? CHARLIE I wa wasn sn’t ’t go goin ing g to sa say y an anyt ythi hing ng you yo u sa saw w th tha at? I fe felt lt it it, , to too. o. MAC Yeah Ye ah. . Ri Righ ght? t?.. ... . Ch Char arli lie e le let t me se see e one on e of th thos ose e fl flie iers rs. . Char Ch arli lie e ha hand nds s Ma Mac c a fli lier er fo for r th the e Pu Pub b Sa Sale le. . Ma Mac c lo look oks s at it it. . MAC Are Ar e th thes ese e wh what at yo you’ u’ve ve be been en hand handin ing g out ou t to pe peop ople le al all l da day? y? CHARLIE Yeah. Why Yeah. Why? ? MAC Char Ch arli lie, e, al all l th this is sa says ys is tr tras ashc hcan an plus pl us be beer ermu mug g eq equa uals ls do doll llar ar si sign gn. . CHARLIE Exactl Exac tly. y. Ou Our r ju junk nk, , th that at’s ’s th the e tras tr ashc hcan an; ; at th the e ba bar, r, be beer ermu mug; g; wi will ll save sa ve yo you u mo mone ney, y, do doll llar ar si sign gn. . It It’s ’s clea cl ear r as da day, y, ri righ ght t th ther ere e in bl blac ack k and whi white. te. MAC This is in cr This cray ayon on. . CHARLIE Colo Co lors rs se sell ll mo more re. . MAC There’ The re’s s no add addres ress. s. CHARLIE List Li sten en Ma Mac, c, we ca can n si sit t he here re all all day, da y, ta talk lkin ing g ab abou out t ho how w go good od or bad bad the flier is -
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MAC It’s bad. It’s bad. Aw Awfu ful. l. CHARLIE - Or we co cou uld go to ot othe her r ga gara rage ge sale sa les s an and d st stea eal l th thei eir r cu cust stom omer ers. s. CUT CU T TO TO: : INT. IN T. PA PADD DDY’ Y’S S PU PUB. B. NE NEAR AR TH THE E BO BOOT OTHS HS. . LA LATE TER. R. Bargai Barg ain n sh shop oppe pers rs, , mo most stly ly ol olde der, r, ha have ve fo foun und d th thei eir r wa way y in into to the th e ba bar. r. Mo Most st of th the e cu cust stom omer ers s ar are e av avoi oidi ding ng De Denn nnis is’ ’ ar area ea. . Denn De nnis is is sh show owin ing g an OL OLD D MA MAN N a pa pair ir of je jean ans. s. DENNIS Now th Now thes ese e je jean ans s wi will ll re real ally ly accent acc entuat uate e you your r pac packag kage, e, and let let’s ’s be ho hone nest st, , th that at’s ’s wh what at it it’s ’s al all l abou ab out: t: dr draw awin ing g th the e ey eyes es di dire rect ctly ly to the th e gr groi oin n ar area ea. . An And, d, wi with th wh what at you’ yo u’ve ve go got t do down wn th ther ere, e, wh why y wo woul uldn dn’t ’t you yo u wa want nt to to? ? Denn De nnis is ho hold lds s th the e je jean ans s up to th the e Ol Old d Ma Man’ n’s s wa wais ist. t. DENNIS Woah Wo ah, , lo look ok ou out. t. Wh What at ar are e yo you, u, li like ke a ni nine ne or te ten? n? I’ I’m m ju just st ki kidd ddin ing, g, I’m I’ m ta talk lkin ing g ab abou out t sh shoe oe si size zes. s. No No, , I’m I’ m no not. t. No Now, w, wh what at wo woul uld d it ta take ke to get ge t yo you u in into to my pa pant nts? s? The Th e Ol Old d Ma Man n be begi gins ns to mo move ve aw away ay. . DENNIS Wait Wa it, , wh wher ere e ar are e yo you u goin going? g? OLD MA OLD MAN N I’m I’ m so sorr rry, y, bu but t I’ I’m m a ma marr rrie ied d ma man. n. The Ol The Old d Ma Man n wa walk lks s ac acr ros oss s th the e ba bar r to an OL OLD D WO WOMA MAN. N. Fr Fran ank k walk wa lks s ov over er to De Denn nnis is. . FRANK How’ Ho w’s s it go goin ing? g? DENNIS Damm Da mmit it, , Fr Fran ank. k. I ha have ven’ n’t t so sold ld a godd go ddam amn n th thin ing g an and d th the e da day y is halfway halfwa y ove over. r.
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FRANK Well We ll, , fi firs rst t of off, f, it sm smel ells ls li like ke th the e urin ur inal al of a Ca Calc lcut utta ta nu nurs rsin ing g ho home me over ove r her here. e. DENNIS It’s It’ s Dra Drakka kkar r Noi Noir! r! FRANK And wh And why y do yo you u go got t ev ever eryt ythi hing ng so fancy-schma fancy-schmancy. ncy. Dennis, Dennis, these peop pe ople le ar are e sc scav aven enge gers rs. . Th They ey bu buy y nick ni ckel el to toil ilet et bo bowl wl cl clea eane ners rs an and d te ten n dollar dol lar tel televi evisio sion n set sets. s. And And, , you you’ve ’ve got man manneq nequin uins s wea wearin ring g shi shirts rts wit with h litt li ttle le cr croc ocod odil iles es on th them em. . Yo You’ u’ve ve got go t to ge get t ri rid d of al all l th thi is cr crap ap. . DENNIS No, No , Fr Fran ank. k. I re refu fuse se. . Do yo you u ha have ve any an y id idea ea ho how w mu much ch I sp spen ent t on th this is shit sh it? ? An Anyt ythi hing ng le less ss th than an wh what at I’ I’m m aski as king ng wo woul uld d be an in inju just stic ice. e. Dee De e wa walk lks s ov over er. . DEE Hey, lo Hey, lose sers rs. . Lo Look ok wh who o ju just st ma made de anothe ano ther r fif fifty ty buc bucks. ks. She Sh e fl flas ashe hes s th the e mo mone ney y th that at sh she e ma made de. . DEE Ca-chi Ca-c hing ng. . Oh ye yeah ah! ! Mo Momm mmy’ y’s s ma maki king ng mone mo ney. y. Yo You u we were re ri righ ght, t, De Denn nnis is: : it woul wo uld d ha have ve be been en a ba bad d id ide ea to st sta ay over ov er he here re in pi piss ssvi vill lle. e. She Sh e wa walk lks s aw away ay. . DEE More Mo re li like ke Su Suck ck-a -ar r Noir Noir, , bo booo-ya yah. h. Lates. DENNIS Frank? FRANK Yeah, Den Yeah, Dennis nis? ? DENNIS Deandr Dea ndra a must must be des destro troyed yed. .
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FRANK I’ll ge I’ll get t th the e ai air r fres freshe hene ner. r. EXT. EX T. FI FIRS RST T YA YARD RD SA SALE LE. . SA SAME ME TI TIME ME. . Charli Char lie e an and d Ma Mac c ar are e at a ya yar rd sa sale le try ryin ing g to po poac ach h cust cu stom omer ers. s. Ma Mac c is ta talk lkin ing g to a LI LITT TTLE LE GI GIRL RL. . MAC Hey. Yo Hey. You u li like ke toys toys? ? LITTLE LIT TLE GIR GIRL L Mhmm. MAC I kn know ow a pl plac ace e wh whe ere th they ey ha have ve lo lots ts of gr grea eat t to toys ys. . Al All l di diff ffer eren ent t ki kind nds s of to toys ys. . Do Does es th that at so soun und d li like ke some so mepl plac ace e th that at yo you u wo woul uld d wa want nt to go? LITTLE LIT TLE GIR GIRL L Yeah! MAC Yeah Ye ah?! ?! Of co cour urse se it is is. . We Well ll, , al all l you have to do is go get... The Th e Li Litt ttle le Gi Girl rl’s ’s MO MOTH THER ER co come mes s an and d ta take kes s he her r by th the e ha hand nd. . MOTHER Pervert! MAC No, No , lo look ok la lady dy, , yo you u go got t it al all l wron wr ong. g. I di didn dn’t ’t wa want nt he her. r. I ju just st want wa nted ed to bri ring ng he her r to my ba bar! r! Char Ch arli lie e wa walk lks s ov over er to Ma Mac. c. MAC Christ Chri st, , Ch Char arli lie, e, we we’v ’ve e be been en he here re for fo r li like ke an ho hour ur. . Co Come me on on, , le let’ t’s s go do som someth ething ing. . CHARLIE Dude, Dude , I kn kno ow, bu but t lo look ok at al all l th thi is stuff. stu ff. It’ It’s s awe awesom some. e. MAC Are Ar e yo you u buyi buying ng th this is cr crap ap? ?
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CHARLIE It’s It ’s no not t cr crap ap, , Ma Mac. c. Th They ey’v ’ve e go got t some so me pr pret etty ty co cool ol st stuf uff. f. Lo Look ok at thes th ese: e: I go got t th this is li litt ttle le st stat atue ue of libe li bert rty, y, so some me ja jack cks, s, a co coup uple le domino dom inoes es Charli Char lie e star starts ts pu pull llin ing g th thin ings gs ou out t of hi his s ba bag, g, it is al all l useles use less s jun junk. k. CHARLIE I do don’ n’t t kn know ow wh what at th this is th thin ing g is is, , but bu t it lo look oks s co cool ol, , ri righ ght? t? MAC Charli Char lie, e, we we’r ’re e su supp ppos osed ed to be making mak ing mon money ey tod today. ay. CHARLIE A pl plun unge ger, r, so some me sp spoo oons ns, , ha half lf a de deck ck of ca card rds. s. MAC Not sp Not spen endi ding ng it it. . CHARLIE This Th is ta tang ngle led d yo yo-y -yo. o. A ha hat. t. He pu puts ts th the e ha hat t on on. . MAC Look Lo ok, , ma mayb ybe e we sh shou ould ld ju just st he head ad back ba ck to th the e ba bar. r. CHARLIE A pa pair ir of re read adin ing g gl glas asse ses. s. Th This is shoe. sho e. Bop Bop-em -em, , hit hit-em -em rob robots ots. . MAC Are yo Are you u ev even en li list sten enin ing g to - Bo Bopp-em em, , hit-em hit-em robots? robots? CHARLIE Bop-em Bop -em, , hit hit-em -em rob robots ots. . MAC Bitc Bi tchi hin’ n’. . I lo love ve BopBop-em em, , hi hitt-em em robots. CHARLIE I kn know ow, , ri righ ght! t! Re Reme memb mber er when when we were we re li litt ttle le ki kids ds? ? An And d - and nd, , we used us ed to pr pret eten end d li like ke we we were re the the (MORE)
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CHARLIE CHARLIE (cont’d) (cont’d) robo ro bots ts an and d we wo woul uld d ju just st st star art t hitt hi ttin ing g ea each ch ot othe her r in th the e he head ad. . MAC Oh ye yeah ah! ! We We’d ’d ju just st pu punc nch h ea each ch othe ot hers rs’ ’ fa face ces, s, tr tryi ying ng to kn knoc ock k ou our r head he ads s of off. f. Pu Punc nch h af afte ter r pu punc nch h ri righ ght t to the fa face ce fo for r ho hour urs s at a ti time me. . That Th at’s ’s wh when en we le lear arne ned d ho how w st stro rong ng your yo ur ja jaw w is is, , yo you u co coul uld d re real ally ly ta take ke them th em ba back ck th then en. . CHARLIE Hey, ma Hey, man. n. I st stil ill l ca can n no now w. Yo You u wa want nt to try it it? ? MAC Well... CHARLIE Go ah ahea ead, d, tr try y it it. . Mac Ma c wa wait its s a se seco cond nd be befo fore re de deci cidi ding ng. . MAC Than Th anks ks, , no, no, no not t ri righ ght t no now. w. La Late ter. r. CHARLIE Later. Lat er. You pro promis mise? e? MAC I pro promis mise. e. CHARLIE Iron Ir on ja jaw. w. MAC I kn know ow, , Char Charli lie. e. I kn know ow. . CHARLIE Iron Ir on ja jaw, w, baby baby. . MAC Well, Well , sw swee eet, t, ma man. n. Wh What at el else se do th they ey have ha ve he here re? ? An Anyt ythi hing ng el else se li like ke th that at? ? CHARLIE Beat Be ats s me me, , du dude de. . Bu But, t, I’ I’ve ve be been en aski as king ng ar arou ound nd an and d th ther ere’ e’s s li like ke thir th irty ty ot othe her r of th thes ese e th thin ings gs go goin ing g on ri righ ght t no now. w.
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MAC Cool Co ol, , ma man. n. Do you you kn know ow wh wher ere? e? CHARLIE Yeah Ye ah, , ap appa pare rent ntly ly th ther ere’ e’s s a wh whol ole e sect se ctio ion n of th the e ne news wspa pape per r th that at te tell lls s wher wh ere. e. I bo boug ught ht it of off f th this is gu guy y for a ni nick ckel el. . MAC Swee Sw eeee eeet et, , br bro. o. Gara Garage ge sa sale les s ro rock ck. . FADE FA DE OU OUT: T: END OF ACT ONE ACT AC T TW TWO O INT. IN T. PA PADD DDY’ Y’S S PU PUB. B. NE NEAR AR TH THE E BO BOOT OTHS HS. . LA LATE TER. R. Dennis Denn is is sc scru rubb bbin ing g gr graf affi fiti ti of off f th the e se sedu duct ctiv ive e po post ster ers s of himself. DENNIS Son’ So n’s s of bi bitc tche hes, s, me mess ssin ing g wi with th my disp di spla lay, y, wo woul uldn dn’t ’t kn know ow fa fash shio ion n if it pu punc nche hed d th them em in th the e fa face ce. . Dee De e wa walk lks s ov over er. . DEE Well We ll, , we well ll, , I’ I’m m gl glad ad yo you’ u’ve ve fi fina nall lly y been be en ab able le to ad admi mit t it it. . DENNIS What ar What are e you you ta talk lkin ing g ab abou out, t, De Dee? e? Go away. Dee De e pu pull lls s ou out t on one e of hi his s po post ster ers. s. CLOSE CLOS E ON ON: : Po Post ster er, , De Denn nnis is mo mode deli ling ng pa pant nts s wi with thou out t a sh shir irt t on on. . Some So meon one e ha has s wr writ itte ten n "I "I’m ’m ga gay" y" in a wo word rd bu bubb bble le. . Denn De nnis is gr grab abs s it fr from om he her. r. DENNIS Animals. Animal s. The These se peo people ple are ani animal mals. s. I ca can’ n’t t ta take ke it an anym ymor ore! e! DEE Yeah. Yeah . Pe Peop ople le ar are e di dick cks, s, Bu But t as lo long ng as th they ey’r ’re e pa payi ying ng di dick cks. s. I’ I’ve ve ma made de (MORE)
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DEE (cont’ (cont’d) d) a bu butt ttlo load ad of ca cash shmo mone ney y on th this is junk. She Sh e pu pul lls ou out t a wa wad d of mo mone ney y fr from om he her r po pock cke et. DEE Thes Th ese e su suck cker ers s wi will ll bu buy y an anyt ythi hing ng. . So, So , ho how w mu muc ch ha have ve yo you u ra rak ked in in? ? DENNIS Me... Me.. . Oh Oh, , a bu butt ttlo load ad. . No No, , no no, , an assloa ass load, d, sev severa eral l ass assloa loads. ds. Kim Kardas Kar dashia hian n siz sizeded-ass ass, , ass assloa loads. ds. I’m swim sw immi ming ng in as ass. s. DEE You Yo u ha have ven’ n’t t so sold ld a th thin ing, g, ha have ve yo you? u? DENNIS Not No t a go godd ddam amn n th thin ing! g! DEE Tell yo Tell you u wh what at, , I’ I’m m go gonn nna a do yo you u a soli so lid. d. I’ I’ll ll be yo your ur fi firs rst t cu cust stom omer er. . DENNIS I do don’ n’t t wa want nt yo your ur filt filthy hy pi pity ty money. DEE Fine Fi ne. . I gu gue ess I’ll I’ll ju just st hav ave e to take ta ke my gi gia ant wa wad d DENNIS Wait Wa it.. ... . What What do yo you u wa want nt? ? DEE I’ll I’ ll gi give ve you you th thre ree e bu buck cks s fo for r th this is. . DENNIS My "B "Bes est t of St Stev eve e Wi Winw nwoo ood" d" CD CD? ? No chan ch ance ce in he hell ll. . I’ I’d d so soon oner er bo bone ne Mac’ Ma c’s s di dirt rty y wh whor ore e of a mo moth ther er th than an sell se ll th the e Wi Winw nwoo ood d fo for r th thre ree e do doll llar ars. s. DEE Two dol dollar lars. s. DENNIS Five Fi ve bu buck cks. s. It It’s ’s a cl clas assi sic. c.
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DEE One fif fifty. ty. DENNIS Damm Da mmit it, , De Dee. e. St Stop op goin going g lo lowe wer! r! DEE A do doll llar ar. . DENNIS FINE FI NE! ! Bu But, t, yo you’ u’re re insu insult ltin ing g hi his s name. DEE Plea Pl easu sure re do doin ing g busi busine ness ss wi with th yo you. u. DENNIS Go to he hell ll. . Dee dr Dee drop ops s th the e do doll llar ar an and d wa walk lks s aw away ay wi with th th the e CD CD. . Fr Fran ank k wa walk lks s over ov er wi with th a ha hamm mmer er. . FRANK What Wh at’s ’s go goin ing g on on? ? What What ha happ ppen ened ed? ? DENNIS I think I just sold my soul for a dollar. FRANK Perfec Perf ect. t. Th The e fi firs rst t sa sale le is al alwa ways ys the th e ha hard rdes est. t. Al All l ri righ ght, t, so I’ I’ve ve laun la unch ched ed th the e fi firs rst t ph phas ase e of "Operation "Operation Deandra Deandra Downfall." Downfall." DENNIS Don’t Don’ t ca call ll it th that at. . We We’r ’re e no not t call ca llin ing g it th that at. . FRANK Phas Ph ase e on one: e: I to took ok a bu bunc nch h of Char Ch arli lie’ e’s s sh shit it an and d in infi filt ltra rate ted d it all int into o Dea Deandr ndra’s a’s mer mercha chandi ndise. se. When Wh en pe peop ople le se see e al all l hi his s cr crap ap th ther ere e they th ey’l ’ll l be ru runn nnin ing g in th the e ot othe her r direction. DENNIS Clev Cl ever er, , Fr Fran ank. k. Ve Very ry cl clev ever er. . So So, , what wh at’s ’s ph phas ase e tw two? o?
19. FRANK Phase two Phase two: : Fran Fr ank k ta take kes s th the e ha hamm mmer er an and d st star arts ts ba bash shin ing g De Denn nnis is’ ’ st stuf uff. f. DENNIS STOP ST OP! ! Wh What at ar are e yo you u do doin ing? g?! ! St Stop op! ! FRANK What Wh at? ? Th This is is ph phas ase e tw two. o. DENNIS Dest De stro royi ying ng al all l my st stuf uff? f? FRANK I’m gi I’m givi ving ng it ch char arac acte ter. r. De Denn nnis is, , thes th ese e pe peop ople le wa want nt to bu buy y th thin ings gs a litt li ttle le wo worn rn do down wn, , th thin ings gs wi with th a little little history. history. Dennis Denn is tr trie ies s to re reor orga gani nize ze hi his s st stuf uff. f. A MI MIDD DDLE LE AG AGED ED WO WOMA MAN N come co mes s ov over er. . Sh She e ho hold lds s up a mu musi sic c bo box x th that at Fr Fran ank k ha hamm mmer ered ed. . DENNIS All Al l yo you’ u’re re do doin ing g is wr wrec ecki king ng everything. MIDDLE MIDD LE AG AGED ED WO WOMA MAN N Excu Ex cuse se me me, , ho how w ar are e mu much ch yo you u as aski king ng for fo r th this is? ? DENNIS What Wh at? ? I dunn dunno. o... .. li like ke fi five ve Fran Fr ank k pu puts ts hi his s th thum umbs bs up up. . DENNIS ... Ten ... Ten do doll llar ars? s? MIDDLE MIDD LE AG AGED ED WO WOMA MAN N I’ll I’ ll ta take ke it it. . The Th e wo woma man n bu buys ys th the e mu musi sic c bo box x an and d wa walk lks s aw away ay. . DENNIS Did Di d yo you u se see e th that at? ? I ca can’ n’t t be beli liev eve e that tha t act actual ually ly wor worked ked. . FRANK Busine Bus iness ss one one-oh -oh-on -one: e: Giv Give e the cust cu stom omer ers s wh what at th they ey wa want nt. . Denn De nnis is ta take kes s th the e ha hamm mmer er fr from om Fr Fran ank. k.
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DENNIS All Al l ri righ ght, t, Fr Fran ank. k. I th thin ink k it it’s ’s ti time me that th at we gi give ve th this is st stuf uff f a li litt ttle le more "character." "character." EXT. EX T. FI FIFT FTH H YA YARD RD SA SALE LE. . SA SAME ME TI TIME ME. . Mac Ma c ge gets ts fr frus ustr trat ated ed pl play ayin ing g wi with th a "R "Rub ubik ik’s ’s Cu Cube be." ." MAC Damn Da mn. . Wh Why y is th this is so hard hard? ? HOT GI HOT GIRL RL (O (O.S .S.) .) Sir, can Sir, can I he help lp yo you u wi with th an anyt ythi hing ng? ? MAC Scra Sc ram, m, yo you u le leec ech. h. I’ I’m m tw two o se seco cond nds s away aw ay fr from om ge gett ttin ing g th this is. . The HO The HOT T GI GIRL RL com omes es ov over er. . Ma Mac c se sees es he her r no now. w. He th thro rows ws th the e "Rub "R ubik ik’s ’s Cu Cube be" " ov over er hi his s sh shou ould lder er. . MAC I’m so I’m sorr rry y ab abou out t th that at. . I’ I’m m ju just st mayb ma ybe e yo you u can he help lp me ou out t? Se See, e, I’ve I’ ve be been en lo look okin ing g ev ever eryw ywhe here re, , bu but t I can’ ca n’t t fi find nd th this is on one e th thin ing. g... .. HOT HO T GI GIRL RL What Wh at ar are e you you lo look okin ing g fo for? r? MAC A ch chic ick k wi wit th a bo bod dy as sm smok okin ing g ho hot t as you ours rs. . Hi. I’ I’m m Ma Mac. c. Ho How w mu much ch are you yo u go goin ing g to co cost st me me? ? HOT GI HOT GIRL RL Did Di d yo you u ju jus st of offe fer r to pa pay y me fo for r sex? MAC Woah, Woah , wo woah ah. . No No.. ... . I me mean an. . Un Unle less ss.. ... . You’ Yo u’re re no not t up fo for r th that at so sort rt of of?. ?... .. No? No ? No No.. ... . Me ne neit ithe her. r. CHARLI CHA RLIE E (O. (O.S) S) MAC! MA C! MA MAC! C! MAC! MAC! The Ho The Hot t Gi Girl rl wa walk lks s aw away ay di disg sgus uste ted. d. Ch Char arli lie e co come mes s ru runn nnin ing g over ov er wi with th a fi fish sh bo bowl wl on hi his s he head ad. .
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MAC Damm Da mmit it, , Ch Char arli lie. e. Wh What at do yo you u wa want nt? ? That Th at ch chic ick k wa was s to tota tall lly y D. D.T. T.B. B. CHARLIE D.T.B? MAC "Dow "D own n to Ba Bang ng." ." Wh Why y do you you ha have ve a fish fi shbo bowl wl on yo your ur he head ad? ? CHARLIE I lo look ok li like ke La Lanc nce e Ar Arms mstr tron ong, g, ma man. n. MAC You Yo u lo look ok like like an id idio iot. t. CHARLIE Whatev What ever er, , du dude de. . He Hey, y, Do yo you u ha have ve fifty fif ty buc bucks? ks? MAC No. No . Wh What at ha happ ppen ened ed to al all l yo your ur money? CHARLIE I sp spen ent t it it. . MAC All of it All it? ? CHARLIE Yeah Ye ah. . All All of it it. . MAC Jesus, Jesus, Charlie. Charlie. CHARLIE Well We ll, , wh what at di did d yo you u wa want nt me to do do, , not no t sp spen end d all my mon oney ey? ? Not bu buy y all this th is aw awes esom ome e st stuf uff? f? No Not t ma make ke th thes ese e good investments? investments? MAC What Wh at in inve vest stme ment nts? s? Yo You u ju just st bl blew ew al all l your yo ur mo mone ney y on a bu bunc nch h of us usel eles ess s shit sh it. . We we were re tr tryi ying ng to get ri rid d of this thi s stu stuff, ff, rem rememb ember? er? CHARLIE So, So , do yo you u ha have ve th the e fift fifty y bu buck cks s or not?
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MAC No. No . I’ I’m m no not t gi givi ving ng yo you u - wh what at th the e hell he ll co cost st fi fift fty y bu buck cks s at a ga gara rage ge sale sal e any anyway way? ? CHARLIE Dude. Dud e. X-R X-Ray. ay. Gla Glasse sses. s. MAC Dude. INT. IN T. PA PADD DDY’ Y’S S PU PUB. B. PO POOL OL TA TABL BLE E AR AREA EA. . LA LATE TER. R. Dee De e is ca cash shin ing g an OV OVER ERWE WEIG IGHT HT WO WOMA MAN N ou out. t. DEE So, So , yo you’ u’re re to tota tal l co come mes s to tw twen enty ty five fiv e dol dollar lars. s. The Th e Ov Over erwe weig ight ht Wo Woma man n ha hand nds s he her r th the e mo mone ney y an and d be bein ings gs to wa walk lk away. DEE Hold on ther Hold there, e, Sh Sham amu. u. Th This is is on only ly half. OVERWEIGHT OVERWEIGHT WOMAN It’s It ’s ha half lf pr pric ice e be beca caus use e I ga gave ve you you half hal f pri price ce cou coupon pon. . DEE A co coup upon on? ? Wh Wher ere’ e’d d you you get get a co coup upon on? ? She Sh e lo look oks s th thro roug ugh h th the e mo mone ney y an and d se sees es it it. . CLOSE CLOS E ON: The The co coup upon on is a do doll llar ar bi bil ll th that at sa says ys ha half lf of off f an and d has ha s Fr Fran ank k in the the mi midd ddle le gi givi ving ng a th thum umbs bs up up. . OVERWEIGHT OVERWEIGHT WOMAN That Th at ma man n ov over er th ther ere e ha has s be been en givi giving ng them th em ou out t to pe peop ople le al all l da day. y. She Sh e po poi int nts s to Fr Fran ank k at th the e bar ar. . De Dee e wa walk lks s ove ver r to hi him. m. INT. IN T. PA PADD DDY’ Y’S S PU PUB. B. AT TH THE E BA BAR. R. CO CONT NTIN INUO UOUS US. . Franks Fran ks ha hand nds s th the e co coup upon ons s ou out t to pe peop ople le as th they ey en ente ter r th the e bar.
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DEE Fran Fr ank. k. Wh What at th the e hell hell is th this is? ? FRANK What Wh at ar are e yo you u wh whin inin ing g abou about t now? now? DEE Free Fr ee Wi Will lly y ov over er th ther ere e ju just st tr trie ied d to pay pa y me wi with th th this is. . FRANK That is a Fr That Fran ankk-Bu Buck ck. . Like Like it? it? DEE No, I don’t like - What the hell is a Fra Franknk-Buc Buck? k? FRANK It’s go It’s good od to towa ward rds s th the e pu purc rcha hase se of anyt an ythi hing ng in th the e ba bar. r. DEE No, No , it is isn’ n’t. t. You You can’ can’t t do th that at. . FRANK Fine Fi ne. . Do Don’ n’t t ho hono nor r them them th then en. . DEE I’m not I’m not go gonn nna. a. FRANK ... .. . Bu But, t, yo you’ u’re re go goin ing g to lo lose se a lot of cu cust stom omer ers s wh when en th they ey re real aliz ize e you’ yo u’re re tr tryi ying ng to sw swin indl dle e th them em ou out t of th thei eir r ca cash sh. . DEE I’m I’ m no not t tr tryi ying ng to swin swindl dle e an anyo yone ne. . FRANK What Wh at wo woul uld d yo you u th thin ink k of so some me la lank nky y woma wo man n wi with th be bead ady y li litt ttle le ey eyes es refu re fuse sed d yo your ur co coup upon on an and d tr trie ied d to make ma ke yo you u pa pay y mo more re fo for r he her r sh shit it? ? DEE You’ Yo u’re re an as ass. s. You You know know th that at? ? Dee De e st stor orms ms aw away ay. . An Anot othe her r cu cust stom omer er en ente ters rs th the e ba bar. r. FRANK (re: customers) customers) Don’t Don ’t for forget get you your r Fra Franknk-Buc Buck. k.
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EXT. EX T. FI FIFT FTH H YA YARD RD SA SALE LE. . AT TH THE E SA SAME ME TI TIME ME. . Mac an Mac and d Ch Char arli lie e ar are e wa walk lkin ing g ov over er to th the e XX-ra ray y gl glas asse ses. s. Char Ch arli lie e ca carr rrie ies s th this is fi fish sh bo bowl wl at hi his s si side de. . MAC All righ All right, t, Ch Char arli lie. e. Le Let t me do al all l the tal talkin king. g. CHARLIE You go You gonn nna a ta talk lk hi him m down down? ? MAC No. No . We We’r ’re e go goin ing g to "A "Ant ntiq ique ue Roadshow" Roadshow" him. CHARLIE Oh, Oh , bo boy. y. Ah ye yeah ah! ! "A "Ant ntiq ique ue Roadsh Roa dshow! ow!" " Cla Classi ssic c mov move. e. Cla Classi ssic. c. What do we do? MAC I’m I’ m go goin ing g to wa walk lk ov over er th ther ere, e, lo look ok at th the e gl glas asse ses, s, an and d te tell ll hi him m th that at they th ey ar are e wo wort rth h wa way y le less ss th than an wh what at he wa want nts. s. CHARLIE Swee Sw eet. t. Wh What at do I do? MAC You Yo u wa wait it un unti til l I lea eave ve, , the hen n go over ov er th ther ere e an and d bu buy y th the e gl glas asse ses. s. He’l He ’ll l be so up upse set t af afte ter r I te tell ll th them em they’r the y’re e wor worthl thless ess, , he’ he’ll ll practi pra ctical cally ly giv give e the them m awa away. y. CHARLIE Geni Ge nius us, , ma man n. So So, , do I we wea ar th the e helmet? MAC Are yo Are you u as ask kin ing g me if yo you u sh shou ould ld wear we ar a fi fish shbo bowl wl on yo your ur he head ad wh when en you yo u bu buy y th the e gl glas asse ses? s? CHARLIE Yeah. MAC No.
25. CHARLIE I think I’m going to do it. MAC No. No . Yo You’ u’re re no not t goi going to do it it. . CHARLIE It’l It ’ll l in inti timi mida date te hi him. m. He He’l ’ll l be scar sc ared ed an and d go lo lowe wer. r. MAC Char Ch arli lie, e, if yo you u we wear ar th that at fi fish shbo bowl wl, , I wi will ll sm smas ash h it it. . I wi will ll sma mash sh it whil wh ile e it it’s ’s on yo your ur he head ad. . CHARLIE I th thin ink k I’ I’m m go goin ing g to wear wear it it. . MAC No. CHARLIE I’m go I’m goin ing g to we wear ar it. it. Mac ha Mac hand nds s Ch Char arli lie e th the e mo mone ney y an and d wa walk lks s to th the e Ch Chil ildr dren en’s ’s Section. EXT. EXT . FIF FIFTH TH YAR YARD D SAL SALE. E. CHI CHILDR LDREN’ EN’S S SEC SECTIO TION. N. CON CONTIN TINUOU UOUS. S. A TE TEEN ENAG AGE E BO BOY Y is si sitt ttin ing g be behi hind nd hi his s st stuf uff. f. Ma Mac c pi pick cks s up th the e glasses. MAC Hey, He y, Bo Bozo zo. . Ho How w mu muc ch do yo you u wa want nt for these? TEENAG TEE NAGE E BOY Seventy-fiv Seventy-five e bucks. bucks. MAC Sevent Seve ntyy-fi five ve - Ar Are e yo you u sh shit itti ting ng me me? ? I th thou ough ght t th they ey we were re fi fift fty. y. TEENAGE TEENAG E BOY Increased Increased demand. demand. MAC Thes Th ese e ar are e no not t wo wort rth h se seve vent ntyy-fi five ve buck bu cks. s. Lo Look ok at th them em. . It It’s ’s mi miss ssin ing g one on e of th the e si side de th thin ingy gys. s. It lo look oks s like li ke yo you u bo boug ught ht it ou out t of th the e ba bac ck of a co comi mic c bo book ok. .
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TEENAGE TEENAG E BOY Seventy-bucks. MAC You’ Yo u’re re no not t go goin ing g to ge get t se seve vent nty y buck bu cks s fo for r th this is, , li litt ttle le ma man. n. It It’s ’s just ju st no not t go goin ing g to ha happ ppen en. . Th Thes ese e ar are e a pi piec ece e of ju junk nk. . TEENAGE TEENAG E BOY Sixty-five Sixty-five bucks. Char Ch arli lie e wa walk lks s ov over er we wear arin ing g th the e fi fish shbo bowl wl. . MAC Char Ch arli lie, e, not not ye yet t CHARLIE How Ho w mu much ch for for th the e gl glas asse ses, s, ki kid? d? TEENAG TEE NAGE E BOY Sixty Six ty buc bucks. ks. CHARLIE Sold! Char Ch arli lie e sl slam ams s th the e mo mone ney y on th the e ta tabl ble. e. CHARLIE You jus just t got "An "Antiq tique ue Roadsh Roadshowe owed!" d!" MAC You are You are an id idio iot. t. The Th e Te Teen enag age e Bo Boy y is co coun unti ting ng hi his s mo mone ney. y. MAC Shou Sh ould ldn’ n’t t yo you u be in sc scho hool ol? ? EXT. EX T. PA PADD DDY’ Y’S S PU PUB. B. BA BACK CK AL ALLE LEY. Y. SA SAME ME TI TIME ME. . Dennis Denn is an and d Fr Fran ank k ha have ve br brou ough ght t De Denn nnis is’ ’ st stuf uff f ou outs tsid ide. e. Fr Fran ank k is hi hitt ttin ing g th thin ings gs wi with th a ba bat. t. De Denn nnis is is cu cutt ttin ing g hi his s cl clot othe hes s with wi th a pa pair ir of sc scis isso sors rs. . FRANK Wham-o! Fran Fr ank k kn knoc ocks ks th the e he head ad of off f of on one e of th the e ma mann nneq equi uins ns. .
27.
DENNIS Excellent Excellent follow-thr follow-through. ough. Frank Fra nk hit hits s ano anothe ther r man manneq nequin uin. . FRANK Zoink! DENNIS I go gott tta a ha han nd it to yo you, u, Fra rank nk. . Th This is was wa s a go good od id idea ea. . Frank Fran k kn knoc ocks ks an anot othe her r ma mann nneq equi uin n to th the e gr grou ound nd an and d st star arts ts bashin bas hing g it. FRANK Blam! DENNIS Thes Th ese e pe peop ople le do don’ n’t t kn know ow qu qual alit ity. y. They Th ey do don’ n’t t kn know ow ho how w to sp spen end d mo mone ney. y. They Th ey’r ’re e no not t as ci civi vili lize zed d as us us. . FRANK Die! Di e! Di Die! e! Die! Die! DENNIS Go for th the e gu gut. t. Th That at’s ’s it it. . Ba Bash sh it. Bash Ba sh it ha hard rd. . No No, , Th They ey’r ’re e ju just st no not t in th the e sa same me cl clas ass. s. It wa was s fo fool olis ish h of me me, , re real ally ly, , to ex expe pect ct th them em to appr ap prec ecia iate te th the e se set t up I ha had d go goin ing. g. Fran Fr ank k ha has s be beco come me vi viol olen ent t wi with th th the e ma mann nneq equi uins ns. . DENNIS Okay, Okay , Fr Fran ank. k. I ca can n se see e yo you’ u’re re bu busy sy. . How Ho w ab abou out t yo you u ke keep ep ba bash shin ing g al all l th this is shit sh it ou out t he here re, , an and d I go bri ring ng ou out t the th e bi big g gu guns ns. . Frank Fra nk kee keeps ps bas bashin hing. g. FRANK The big The big gu guns ns? ? DENNIS You di You didn dn’t ’t th thin ink k I wo woul uldn dn’t ’t ha have ve a back ba ck up pl pla an, di did d yo you? u? I wa was s sa savi ving ng some so me th thin ings gs to se sel ll in th the e ca case se of an eme emerge rgency ncy. .
28. FRANK What Wh at so sort rt of th thin ings gs? ? DENNIS Don’t Don’ t wo worr rry. y. Yo You u ke keep ep ba bash shin ing g th this is shit sh it an and d th then en br brin ing g it in insi side de wh when en you’re you ’re don done. e. FRANK Okay Ok ay. . I’ I’ll ll ke keep ep bash bashin ing. g. Denn De nnis is go goes es in insi side de. . Fr Fran ank k st star arts ts sw swin ingi ging ng aw away ay ha hard rder er. . EXT. EX T. SE SEVE VENT NTH H YA YARD RD SA SALE LE. . LA LATE TER. R. Mac an Mac and d Ch Char arli lie e ha have ve bo boug ught ht le lemo mona nade de fr from om a le lemo mona nade de st stan and. d. A LI LITT TTLE LE BO BOY Y wa watc tche hes s th them em. . CHARLIE Chug Ch ug! ! Ch Chug ug! ! Ch Chug ug! ! Chug Chug! ! Ch Chug ug! ! Mac fin finish ishes es chu chuggi gging ng the lem lemona onade. de. CHARLIE Woo! Wo o! Ni Nice ce man. man. MAC BOO BO O YE YEAH AH! ! Mac Ma c sh shoo oots ts th the e cu cup p in into to a ga garb rbag age e an and d mi miss sses es. . Li Litt ttle le Bo Boy y is scared. CHARLIE My tu turn rn. . MAC No, No , man. man. Th That at wa was s aw awfu ful. l. (re: (r e: Li Litt ttle le Bo Boy) y) You Yo u sh shou ould ld be as asha hame med d of yo your urse self lf. . That Th at wa was s th the e wo wors rst t le lemo mona nade de th that at I’ve I’ ve ev ever er ha had. d. Ta Tast sted ed li like ke ho hors rse e piss. Embarrassin Embarrassing. g. CHARLIE Did he piss in it? MAC No. No . He di didn dn’t ’t pi piss ss (re: (r e: Li Litt ttle le Bo Boy) y) You Yo u di didn dn’t ’t pi piss ss in it it, , did did yo you? u? The Th e Li Litt ttle le Bo Boy y sh shak akes es hi his s he head ad. .
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MAC You Yo u kn know ow wh what at? ? Gi Give ve me my ni nick ckel el back ba ck ki kid. d. Go on on. . Giv ive e it it. . The Th e bo boy y gi give ves s ba back ck th the e ni nick ckel el an and d ru runs ns aw away ay cr cryi ying ng. . CHARLIE That’s bus That’s busine iness ss kid kid! ! MAC All Al l ri righ ght, t, Ch Char arli lie, e, so wh wher ere e to next? Char Ch arli lie e pu pull lls s ou out t th the e pa pape per r an and d lo look oks s at it it. . CHARLIE Nowh No wher ere, e, ma man. n. We We’r ’re e done done. . MAC No. That No. That wa was s it it? ? CHARLIE Yeah Ye ah. . Th The e las ast t on one e he here re say ays s it its s a pube sale. We don’t want to go to a pube pu be sa sale le, , do we we? ? Th That at so soun unds ds a little lit tle gro gross, ss, rig right? ht? Mac Ma c ta take kes s th the e pa pape per. r. MAC That sa That says ys "p "pub ub sa sale le," ," Ch Char arli lie, e, Jesu Je sus. s... .. Wa Wait it, , th this is is ou our r ba bar: r: "Com "C ome e to Pa Padd ddy’ y’s s Pu Pub b Sa Sale le, , wh wher ere e you yo u ge get t a fre ree e dr dri ink wi with th ev ever ery y purc pu rcha hase se. . Ju Just st as ask k De Dee e Re Reyn ynol olds ds." ." CHARLIE No way ay, , ma man n. Wh When en did did we de deci cide de that? MAC That Th at bi bitc tch. h. We neve never r de deci cide ded d th that at. . CHARLIE What Wh at th the e he hell ll! ! I wan ant t som some fr free ee beer! MAC Brai Br ainn-bo bone ner, r, du dude de. . I kn know ow ho how w we can ca n ge get t ba bac ck at Sw Swee eet t De Dee e, an and d us use e all al l th this is ju junk nk yo you u ju just st bo boug ught ht. . I’ I’ll ll expl ex plai ain n on th the e wa way. y.
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INT. IN T. PA PADD DDY’ Y’S S PU PUB. B. NE NEAR AR TH THE E BO BOOT OTHS HS. . LA LATE TER. R. An EL ELDE DERL RLY Y CO COUP UPLE LE ar are e ma maki king ng ou out t in on one e of th the e bo boot oths hs. . Th The e Old Ol d Ma Man n fr from om be befo fore re gi give ves s De Denn nnis is a su sugg gges esti tive ve wi wink nk. . Fr Fran ank k come co mes s in an and d dr drop ops s so some me br brok oken en th thin ings gs in into to De Denn nnis is’ ’ ar area ea. . DENNIS What Wh at ha has s go gott tten en in into to thes these e peop people le? ? FRANK That Th at’s ’s th the e la last st of it it. . Wa Wait it.. ... . Fran Fr ank k us uses es hi his s ba bat t on one e la last st ti time me. . DENNIS Perfec Perf ect. t. No Now, w, wi with th th that at al all l se set, t, I can ca n un unve veil il th the e bi big g gu guns ns and th the e mone mo ney y wi will ll st star art t ro roll llin ing g in in. . Mac Ma c co come mes s ba barg rgin ing g in in. . MAC HeyHe y-o! o! I ne need ed to tal alk k to yo you u gu guys ys. . DENNIS Not No t no now. w. I’ I’m m br brin ingi ging ng out out th the e bi big g guns. MAC The Th e wh what at? ? DENNIS Behold! Denn De nnis is un unve veil ils s a bo box x of vi vide deo o ta tape pes. s. FRANK What is th What this is sh shit it? ? MAC Nooo No ooo. o. De Denn nnis is, , are are th thes ese? e? DENNIS Yes, they Yes, they ar are, e, Ma Mac. c. FRANK What? MAC You Yo u ca can’ n’t t se sell ll thes these. e. Th They ey’r ’re e to too o valuable.
31.
FRANK What are What are th they ey? ? DENNIS I can. I can and I am. FRANK Will Wi ll so some meon one e te tell ll me wh what at th the e he hell ll they th ey ar are? e? MAC Thes Th ese e ar are e al all l of Denn Dennis is’ ’ se sex x ta tape pes. s. FRANK Sex ta Sex tape pes, s, hu huh? h? DENNIS Don’ Do n’t t wo worr rry. y. I’ I’ve ve co conv nver erte ted d th them em all al l to DV DVD. D. Cr Crys ysta tal l cl clea ear r im imag ager ery. y. It’s It ’s li like ke yo you’ u’re re th ther ere. e. It It’s ’s li like ke you’ yo u’re re ha havi ving ng se sex x wi with th me me. . I ca can n show sh ow th them em to yo you u la late ter. r. MAC You’d You ’d bet better ter. . FRANK All Al l ri righ ght, t, I’ I’ll ll ta take ke ’e ’em. m. DENNIS Ew, Fr Ew, Fran ank. k. No No. . Th Ther ere’ e’s s no wa way y I’ I’m m sell se llin ing g yo you u my se sex x ta tape pes. s. Th That at’s ’s disgus dis gustin ting. g. You You’re ’re a dis disgus gustin ting g old man. FRANK I’ll gi I’ll give ve yo you u tw two o hu hund ndre red d smackerinos. DENNIS Sold. Denn De nnis is ta take kes s th the e mo mone ney. y. DENNIS So, wh So, what at wa was s so ur urge gent nt th that at yo you u came ca me ba barg rgin ing g in he here re fo for? r? MAC Dee De e ha has s be been en gi givi ving ng aw away ay fr free ee be beer er to an anyo yone ne wh who o bu buys ys th thin ings gs fr from om he her. r.
32.
DENNIS/FRANK That bit That bitch. ch. MAC I kn know ow. . Th That at’s ’s wh what at I sa said id. . Do Don’ n’t t worr wo rry. y. Me an and d Ch Char arli lie e ar are e ha hand ndli ling ng it. DENNIS How Ho w ex exac actl tly y ar are e yo you u "h "han andl dlin ing" g" it it? ? MAC We’re We’ re "An "Antiq tique’ ue’s s Roa Roadsh dshowi owing" ng" her her. . INT. IN T. PA PADD DDY’ Y’S S PU PUB. B. PO POOL OL TA TABL BLE E AR AREA EA. . CO CONT NTIN INUO UOUS US. . Charli Char lie e is dr dre ess ssed ed up in a dis isgu guis ise e ma made de fr from om a lo lot t thin th ings gs th that at he bo boug ught ht at th the e ot othe her r ga gara rage ge sa sale les. s. It to re reco cogn gniz ize e hi him. m. He tr trie ies s to sp spea eak k wi with th an En Engl glis ish h but bu t it so soun unds ds li like ke a pi pira rate te at ti time mes s. He is sc scar arin ing g customers customers away.
of th the e is ha hard rd acce ac cent nt, , Dee’ De e’s s
CHARLIE Aye. Th Aye. This is ju junk nk’s ’s no not t wo wort rth h a quee qu een’ n’s s pe penn nny, y, I sa say. y. A MA MAN N ap appr proa oach ches es De Dee. e. MAN Excuse Excu se me me, , mi miss ss. . Ho How w mu much ch ar are e yo you u aski as king ng fo for r th this is? ? CLOS CL OSE E ON ON: : "T "The he Be Best st of St Stev eve e Wi Winw nwoo ood" d" CD CD. . DEE I du dunn nno, o, like like te ten n bu buck cks. s. CHARLIE What a we What wenc nch! h! Th That at be wo wor rth no mo more re then th en a coup couple le of do doub ublo loon ons. s. MAN I’ll gi I’ll give ve yo you u five five. . DEE All you yours, rs, bro brothe ther. r. Dee ta Dee tak kes th the e mo mone ney y and ha hand nds s hi him m a be beer er an and d th the e CD. Th The e Ma Man n walks wal ks awa away. y.
33.
DEE (re: (re : Cha Charli rlie) e) Excu Ex cuse se me me, , si sir. r. Wh What at do yo you u th thin ink k you’re you ’re doi doing? ng? CHARLIE (loud) I be se sett ttin ing g th thin ings gs ri righ ght, t, he here re. . Let Le t it be kno nown wn al all l ov over er th the e la land nd, , far fa r an and d wi wid de th that at th this is DEE Charlie? CHARLIE (quieter) Yeah Ye ah. . Ch Char arli lie. e. We kn know ow wh what at yo you’ u’re re doin do ing, g, De Dee. e. An And, d, we we’r ’re e go goin ing g to "Antiq "An tique’ ue’s s Roa Roadsh dshow" ow" all ove over r you your r ass. The WA The WAIT ITRE RESS SS wa walk lks s ov over er. . Sh She’ e’s s ho hold ldin ing g a br bra. a. Ch Char arli lie e se sees es it an and d ge gets ts em emba barr rras asse sed. d. WAITRESS What Wh at th the e he hell ll, , De Dee e! Why Why do yo you u ha have ve my br bra? a? DEE What Wh at? ? Th That at’s ’s no not t your your br bra. a. WAITRESS It has my name in it. The Wa The Wai itr tres ess s goe oes s to sh show ow De Dee e th the e ta tag, g, bu but t De Dee e pu pus she hes s it away. DEE So, So , do yo you u wa want nt to buy buy it it, , or or.. ... . WAITRESS It’s min It’s mine. e. CHARLIE I’ll I’ ll gi give ve yo you u fi five ve doll dollar ars s for for it it. . WAITRESS What? What ? Wh Why y wo woul uld d yo you u wa want nt my br bra? a? Dee, De e, I’ I’m m ta taki king ng th this is. . DEE Wann Wa nna a go high higher er th than an fi five ve? ?
34.
WAITRESS Are you Are you se seri riou ous? s? DEE Damn Dam n str straig aight, ht, I’m ser seriou ious. s. WAITRESS Fine Fi ne. . He Here re’s ’s te ten n do doll llar ars. s. CHARLIE Fifteen. WAITRESS What Wh at is wr wron ong g wi with th - Ch Char arli lie? e? Is that th at yo you? u? CHARLIE Twenty! DEE Sold. CHARLIE Do yo you u ta take ke Fr Fran ank k Buck Bucks? s? Charli Char lie e ta take kes s th the e br bra a fr from om th the e Wa Wait itre ress ss. . Ma Mac, c, Fr Fran ank, k, an and d Denn De nnis is, , al all l co come me ru runn nnin ing g ov over er, , pu push shin ing g th the e wa wait itre ress ss aw away ay. . DENNIS Damm Da mmit it, , De Dee, e, di did d you you se sell ll my St Stev eve e Winwood Winwoo d CD? DEE It was my CD. MAC You wh You whor ore! e! Yo You’ u’ve ve be been en gi givi ving ng ou out t free fr ee be beer er to pe peop ople le al all l da day. y. DEE What Wh at, , wh what at? ? No No, , I have haven’ n’t. t. Wh What at’r ’re e you yo u - wh what at’r ’re e yo you u ta talk lkin ing g ab abou out? t? MAC We just saw you do it. DENNIS I’m su I’m sure re th that at ge geri riat atri ric c co coup uple le bang ba ngin ing g ea each ch ot othe her r in th the e bo boot oth h woul wo uld d ag agre ree e wi with th us us. .
35. MAC Whore! CHARLIE And, An d, yo you’ u’re re st stea eali ling ng now, now, De Dee? e? My bra? br a? Re Real ally ly, , my br bra? a? DEE I di didn dn’t ’t to touc uch h your your bra, bra, Ch Char arli lie. e. FRANK That Th at wa was s my ba bad. d. It mu must st ha have ve gott go tten en mi mixe xed d in wi with th al all l of De Dee’ e’s s stuff stu ff dur during ing "Op "Opera eratio tion n Dea Deandr ndra a Downfall." DEE "Opera "Op eratio tion n Dea Deandr ndrea ea Dow Downfa nfall. ll." " You guys gu ys we were re pl plot otti ting ng ag agai ains nst t me me? ? DENNIS Of co cour urse se we we were re pl plot otti ting ng ag agai ains nst t you, yo u, De Dee. e. We We’v ’ve e al alwa ways ys be been en plot pl otti ting ng ag agai ains nst t yo you. u. Yo You’ u’re re a horr ho rrib ible le pe pers rson on an and d yo you u de dese serv rve e to fail. FRANK Sorry, Sor ry, abo about ut tha that, t, Charli Charlie. e. CHARLIE Don’ Do n’t t sw swea eat t it it, , ma man. n. I to took ok li like ke thre th ree e hu hund ndre red d bu buck cks s ou out t of yo your ur pill pi llow ow an and d bo boug ught ht al all l th this is sw swee eet t garage gar age sal sale e stu stuff. ff. FRANK You to You took ok my pi pill llow ow mone money? y? MAC Whore! CHARLIE Thin Th ink k of it as an in inve vest stme ment nt. . Th Thin ink k of how mu much ch yo you’ u’ll ll ma make ke at th the e ne next xt pub pu b sa sale le? ? FRANK An investment investment? ? CHARLIE Yeah Ye ah, , by th then en al all l th this is st stuf uff f wi will ll be wor worthl thless ess. .
36. MAC You mean mean pri pricel celess ess. . DENNIS I th thin ink k he me mean ant t wo wort rthl hles ess. s. An And, d, no, no , we we’r ’re e ne neve ver r do doin ing g th this is ag agai ain. n. MAC What Wh at? ? Why Why no not. t. DENNIS Beca Be caus use, e, Ma Mac. c. We st stil ill l ha have ve prac pr acti tica call lly y al all l of ou our r sh shit it, , bu but t now no w it its s al all l co comp mple lete tely ly br brok oken en. . Th The e bar ba r is a me mess ss. . My id idio iot t sis iste ter r lo lost st us hu hund ndre reds ds of do doll llar ars s in fr free ee alco al coho hol, l, an and d we ha have ve a bu bunc nch h of old nake na ked d pe peop ople le ha havi ving ng se sex x in ou our r ba bar. r. FRANK So, So , yo you’ u’re re sa sayi ying ng I’ I’m m no not t goin going g to get ge t my pi pill llow ow mo mone ney y ba back ck? ? CHARLIE Don’t Don’ t te tell ll hi him m th that at he he’s ’s no not t go goin ing g to ge get t hi his s pi pill llow ow mo mone ney y ba back ck. . DENNIS You’ Yo u’re re no not t go goin ing g to ge get t yo your ur pi pill llow ow money mon ey bac back. k. Fran Fr ank k ge gets ts an angr gry y an and d st star arts ts ba bash shin ing g De Dee’ e’s s st stuf uff. f. DEE Fran Fr ank! k! Oh Oh, , co come me on! on! DENNIS Mac, Cha Mac, Charli rlie, e, bee beers? rs? CHARLIE Yeah Ye ah. . I co cou uld go for a cold cold on one. e. MAC I have got to get the taste of piss out ou t of my mou outh th. . Dennis Denn is, , Ma Mac, c, and and Ch Char arli lie e go over over to th the e ba bar. r. Fr Fran ank k ke keep eps s bash ba shin ing g aw away ay at Dee’ Dee’s s st stuf uff f as she she wa watc tche hes. s. CUT CU T TO TO: : BLACK. END OF ACT TWO
37.
TAG INT. IN T. PA PADD DDY’ Y’S S PU PUB. B. AT TH THE E BA BAR. R. LA LATE TER. R. The ga The gang ng ar are e al all l ga gath ther ered ed ar arou ound nd wa watc tchi hing ng Ch Char arli lie e an and d Ma Mac c playin pla ying g Bob Bob-em -em, , Hit Hit-em -em Rob Robots ots. . DENNIS Watc Wa tch h ou out, t, Ma Mac. c. FRANK Hit Hi t ’e ’em m in th the e na nad ds. DEE Rape Ra pe hi his s face face, , Ch Char arli lie! e! They Th ey ar are e al all l ch chee eeri ring ng. . CLOSE CLOS E ON ON: : Th The e ro robo bots ts, , on one e re red d an and d on one e bl blue ue. . Th Thei eir r ar arms ms ar are e flai fl aili ling ng, , hi hitt ttin ing g ea each ch ot othe her r ov over er an and d ov over er ag agai ain. n. Fi Fina nall lly, y, the th e bl blue ue on one’ e’s s he head ad fl flie ies s of off. f. MAC Dammit Dam mit, , you’re you’re goo good! d! CHARLIE Iron ja Iron jaw, w, ba baby by. . Ir Iron on ja jaw. w. So So, , do you yo u gu guys ys wa want nt to cle lean an up th the e ba bar r now? They Th ey ar are e qu quie iet t as th they ey lo look ok ar arou ound nd th the e ba bar. r. POV: Th POV: The e pl plac ace e is a mess mess. . Th Ther ere e ar are e ri ripp pped ed cl clot othe hes, s, br brok oken en furnit fur niture ure, , and bee beer r bot bottle tles s eve everyw rywher here. e. DENNIS Sure Su re.. ... . su sure re.. ... . We We’l ’ll l ge get t to it it.. .. Righ Ri ght t af afte ter r we fi fini nish sh th this is. . DEE Best Be st si sixt xtee een n ou out t of th thir irty ty? ? Mac pu Mac puts ts th the e he head ad ba back ck on th the e ro robo bot. t. Th They ey st star art t pl play ayin ing g an and d cheering cheering again. again. FRANK I ca call ll ne next xt. . FADE FA DE OU OUT: T: END EN D OF EP EPIS ISOD ODE E
