Japanese Girls - The Guide 2011 Sampler

Japanese Girls

GE 37-PA R LE SAMP

THE GUIDE

SMASH &

JohnnyRocket

Japanese Girls - The Guide Meeting, Dating, and Loving the Most Exotic Girls on Earth

by SMASH & JohnnyRocket

37-page sampler

2

Japanese Girls

THE GUIDE

GE 37-PA R LE SAMP

SMASH &

JohnnyRocket

Japanese Girls The Guide Meeting, Dating, and Loving the Most Exotic Girls on Earth

250+ page ebook

SAMPLER TABLE OF CONTENTS Full Chapter

The Top Ten Mistakes Foreign Guys Make with Japanese girls

Chapter Excerpts

Behind the Words Girl Talk Communicating in Japanese Nampa The Pattern Interrupts Mail Date Templates How to Kiss a Japanese Girl How to Take a Japanese Girl Home Sex

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Japanese Girls

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JohnnyRocket


250+ page ebook

THE TOP 10 MISTAKES FOREIGN GUYS MAKE WITH JAPANESE GIRLS (full chapter)

As we listened to hundreds of stories of failed interactions - from foreign guys and Japanese girls alike - we sought to identify the patterns indicating where failure would most commonly occur. We tallied our findings with our own experiences, and pinpointed the top ten areas where foreign guys go wrong when it comes to romancing Japanese girls. We tackle each of these problems in depth - and provide the antidote for each throughout Japanese Girls - The Guide. Here’s the list:

1. Believing the myth that all Japanese girls are “loose” and “easy” Japan’s “export culture” (manga, anime, J-cinema, and, well, pornography) has a lot to answer for in its portrayal of Japanese girls. The deck is stacked with the submissive, eager-to-please, sexually-charged nymph archetypes. But as in any country in the world, the girls of Japan run the gamut from the sexually conservative, to the lusty, sexually adventurous types, with a full spectrum in between. We call out all the myths that circulate about Japanese girls, and find out the truth (and/ or lies!) behind each one, in the chapter Demystifying Japanese Girls. 2. Expecting things to just happen Between two people raised in Western cultures, a mix of alcohol, shared intentions, and the passage of time is often all that’s needed to make sparks fly. With Japanese girls however, that same concoction will more often than not leave you dead in the water. Japanese girls respond to leadership. If you’re not sure where you want things to go with a girl, or you aren’t prepared to lead the two of you in that direction, then you’ll likely find yourself waiting a long time – or you’ll have to deal with seeing another guy step in to take the lead, and take her away. In the chapter Lead we go through exactly what it means to be a leader, right down to the finer details of personal conduct.

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3. Not transmitting clear signals It’s natural to forget that while we strive to decode the cultural complexities of the Japanese girl, she is similarly trying to understand our own cultural quirks. Smoothly scoop her hand up in yours during a date, and you may hear “Is holding hands normal in your culture?” She’s not playing dumb - she’s trying to gauge the degree of meaning in your actions. Playing it down will only cause confusion, so man up and tell her confidently: “When you’re on a date with someone you like, it’s nice to hold hands. Isn’t that the same in Japan?” You’re sending a clear signal that your actions are with romantic intent. In Breaking the Pattern, we look into how to break out of the repetitive protocol-driven interactions that have become a staple of socializing in Japan, and communicate your real feelings and intent.

4. Trying to act more Japanese to “score points” Japanese girls are prone to shower non-Japanese guys with praise when they do something quintessentially Japanese – from wearing a yukata (summer kimono) at a masturi (festival), to singing a Japanese song in karaoke, or even just spitting out a few Japanese phrases. It’s essential not to mistake this polite praise for admiration and attraction. Ask yourself this: Does a Japanese girl become more attractive to you the more she assimilates into your culture? In Japanese Girls - The Guide’s Japan and You chapter, we bust open the misguided thinking that causes many a foreigner in Japan to stray towards becoming something he’s not.

5. Trying to get intimate in public places Spend any time in Japan and you should notice that you never, ever see couples kissing in public. While a hot make-out in a side alley, or a goodbye kiss in front of the ticket gates at a train station may be an appealing thought to you, a Japanese girl is more likely to be turning red from embarrassment rather than romance. Hold off for a more private moment. How to Kiss a Japanese Girl deals with the trials and tribulations involved in locking lips with a Japanese girl. The whens, the wheres, and the hows.

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6. Assuming it’s “in the bag” There’s a saying in Texas – “you dance with the one that brung you” but Texas is a long way from Japan. Just when you start to relax and let your guard down, believing that everything is locked in and heading smoothly toward a sexy conclusion, your date with a Japanese girl can turn on a dime. The first part of your evening was amazing, but don’t think you can’t just as easily lose her in the second half. Kissing that girl in the club doesn’t mean she’s coming home with you – or even that she isn’t going dance/ kiss/go home with another guy. She’ll abide no rules of decorum to spare your feelings, and often you won’t see the warning signs until it’s too late. Keep your eyes on the road. The chapter How to Take a Japanese Girl Home will provide you with the map, and give you what you need to smoothly move things along to where you want them before social inertia catches up with you and chips away at your opportunities.

7. Moving too fast With girls from many cultures - particularly in the west - kissing, making out, and sex are milestones the two of you gravitate towards. If both of you have already made the decision that you want that to happen, the action itself is the only thing needed to cement it. Not so with the Japanese girl. Shared intentions or none, bulldozing ahead with physical intimacy can be the equivalent of shifting from first to fourth. A kiss is not a big step you take, it’s a point on a smoothly ascending curve. Japanese Girls - The Guide deals with this issue and others in a chapter as straightforward as its title: Sex.

8. Moving too slow Guys unaccustomed to the ways of the Japanese girl often find themselves stuck in “limbo”. They’re not getting the flirtatious response they want from the girl, and so they choose to bide their time. In this often fatal stalemate, the girl is doing exactly the same thing, and with no leadership from the guy to follow, she too begins to withdraw. Waiting for a signal that means something to you is moving too slow. Make a decision as to what you want, and take the lead in that direction. She’s not going to lead for you! In Date Templates we draw out the anatomy of a good date, matching mood changes with location changes, and laying the pathway to move your courtship smoothly along.

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250+ page ebook

9. Relying solely on the gaijin novelty factor We will look at the gaijin novelty factor – its pros and cons – later on in the book, but for now, understand that the most important rule. Foreign guys don’t have to try is the myth carved on the gravestone of so many Japanese girl-foreign guy interactions. Guys who believe that being from a foreign country means that they don’t have to worry about being an interesting person, or make the effort with their appearance, soon discover the lie at the core of the myth. Japanese girls may flock to you and want to talk to you because you are a foreigner, but that is not why they will want to date you. To a Japanese girl, your foreign-ness is some tasty icing, but make sure there’s a decent cake underneath. The subject of The Gaijin Novelty Factor comprises a whole chapter in Japanese Girls - The Guide: its advantages, its disadvantages, and the traps it causes so many nonJapanese guys to fall into.

10. Trying to drive a wedge through the wa (和). Wa (和) means “harmony”, and it is also the old symbol for Japan. Foreigners often completely fail to understand the importance that the wa plays in a Japanese social context where groups are involved. You may have totally found that spark with that cute Japanese girl – both of you have difficulty taking your eyes off one another - but for her that doesn’t mean the rest of the universe fades away. The wa has to be upheld, and the two of you won’t be able to proceed smoothly to being together in the way you want until the group dynamic has shifted as to naturally allow this to happen. Dragging her off to a corner of a bar may seem a confident and romantic gesture to you, but separated from her group, a girl may feel anxious and insecure. Executed more smoothly, a completely natural premise to break off from the group (such as going to the bar to get a drink) maintains the natural flow of the wa, and she’ll be able to relax with you. Throughout the section Places to Meet Japanese Girls, we look at the different types of group situations you’ll encounter in the course of your social adventures, and how to smoothly deal with all kinds of collective dynamics.

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Japanese Girls

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250+ page ebook

BEHIND THE WORDS (chapter excerpt)

“Let’s be good friends,” “Give me your number, we’ll have to go out drinking sometime,” “Let’s definitely meet up again soon,” “See you next time!” You will have heard these frequently, from both men and women, if you’ve spent any time socializing in Japan. You’ll also have come to understand that it pays not to put too much stock in the actual words. A friendly, good-natured invitation to “hang out again soon” may perfectly match the atmosphere and feeling at a social gathering, but it’s not a reason to start setting aside days in your social calendar. When it comes to socializing and dating, a verbal agreement doesn’t count as a promise. In fact, it doesn’t even really count as an agreement. So, with so much meaning communicated through inference and subtext, how can you tell what’s even real anymore?

Some Basic Rules • Silence is Japanese for “no.” A mail unanswered; a question glossed over; a topic hastily changed – all these responses represent indirect ways of refusing, or communicating disinterest towards the idea being put forward. The culturally-attuned foreigner knows not to push it any further, if there’s no answer forthcoming. Frustrating though it may seem, the lack of a response is essentially a negative response. • Japanese tend to express themselves more freely and directly in writing. Generally speaking, Japanese people provide a much more accurate impression of their feelings via written communication than they give away in face-to-face contact. Sensitive matters can be approached tactfully, with the benefit of time to compose a thoughtful response. Additionally, arrangements exchanged in writing are ten times as reliable a prospect as those simply talked about.

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BEHIND THE WORDS (chapter excerpt continued...)

• Politeness can be a barrier as well as a pathway. We probably don’t need to tell you how important protocols of politeness are in Japanese society. Properly applied, it’s the social lube that greases the transition from the coldness of strangers to the inviting warmth of friends. But politeness can just as effectively be wielded to establish distance between individuals. Being addressed in polite formal language can be considered respectful and comforting, but from someone you’re attempting to form a closer, more informal relationship with, that same language can represent deliberate emotional distance - a barrier to progress towards greater intimacy. • A phrase can take on totally different connotations depending on the level of politeness used... ... not to mention the context in which it appeared, and the relationship established between you and the other person. In short, the last thing you should be doing is taking everything said to you at face value!

In Behind the Words • Phrases that mean less than what they say • Phrases that mean more than what they say • Phrases that could go either way Read the whole chapter in Japanese Girls - The Guide

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COMMUNICATING IN JAPANESE (chapter excerpt)

I

f you’re already at the point where you’re quite happy conversing in Japanese, even just to a modest level, then you’ve already made life a lot easier for yourself. But, while you don’t always have to be worrying about being whether or not you can communicate, conducting your interactions in Japanese throws up a whole new set of questions and complexities.

Levels of Politeness One question that comes up most among learners, and even experienced speakers of Japanese, concerns appropriate levels of politeness. Japanese has clearly defined tiers of politeness, denoted in practice by choice of pronoun, word usage, and the endings of words and sentences. When opening an interaction with a Japanese girl, is it best to use polite Japanese, in the first instance? Or is it better to break the ice, and address her as you would a friend? There’s no single correct answer to this, and what is and isn’t appropriate is largely defined by the context you’re in. You’re not going to start off loose and casual with someone you’ve just been introduced to at a classy social function, just as you aren’t going to shout in super-respectful forms at a girl over the music at a club. If you’ve got to the point where you’re at least semi-comfortable using Japanese in your interactions, then you will have already started to develop an instinct for this.

Moving from Polite to Casual Start polite. And by that we don’t mean full-on boardroom formal – there is wiggle room even within the desu/masu form (i.e. finishing sentences on –んです instead of the ます form of the verb). As well as eliminating any possibility of starting off on the wrong foot, this allows you some room to maneuver as the interaction progresses. Once you reach that point where you’ve made a connection, and feel relaxed and comfortable around each other – that’s when you seamlessly make the switch to the more casual, familiar form (drop the です endings, and employ more casual pronouns).

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COMMUNICATING IN JAPANESE (chapter excerpt continued)

For a Japanese person, this sends a clear signal that you have become closer – that there has been a progression in your relationship. Going straight in with the casual, friendly form right off the bat may be received fine, but it denies any opportunity to demonstrate progression. It’s a discreet display of acceptance that many foreigners aren’t aware of.

In Communication • The hidden nuances in Japanese’s personal pronouns (“I”, “you”, etc.) • Communicating without Japanese • How to overcome any language barrier – with JohnnyRocket Read the whole chapter in Japanese Girls - The Guide

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Japanese Girls

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THE GUIDE

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JohnnyRocket


250+ page ebook

GIRL TALK (chapter excerpt)

Japanese Girls – The Guide’s Japanese Girl Focus Group

We took four Japanese girls of different ages and backgrounds, put them in an izakaya, bought them dinner and all the drinks they could handle, and asked them to tell us their views on dating non-Japanese men. Megumi (19) - University student in Tokyo, studying economics. Sayuri (22) - spunky street-smart Shibuya gyaru. Chiharu (25) - artsy, creative young professional, embarking on a career in graphic design. Yukari (30) - OL (office lady) working for a Japanese company, and currently in a relationship with a non-Japanese (English) man. The focus group was conducted in Japanese, and has been translated into English.

The Appeal of Non-Japanese Guys SMASH (Interviewer)

What is it about non-Japanese guys that you find attractive, generally speaking?

Sayuri (gyaru)

The “Ladies first” thing… With Japanese guys, I feel like there’s quite a lot of chauvinism. So, the little things - holding doors, holding the elevator, saying “please, after you”…

SMASH (Interviewer)

So, manners then… being a gentleman?

Sayuri (gyaru)

Yeah. It’s little things, but in Japan, it’s the girls who are expected to do the same for men… so [foreigners] doing those things naturally is really admirable, and it’s a good feeling.

SMASH (Interviewer)

Speaking about appearances though…

Sayuri (gyaru)

Japanese people aren’t really used to blue eyes, so that can be kind of scary and daunting… But then depending on the country, the kinds of features that are suited to the guys differ…

Megumi (University Student)

Don’t you think that guy is scary – what’s his name? The Titanic guy – DiCaprio! I don’t like his face…

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Yukari (Company worker)

If we’re talking about face, eye-colour, and having a high nose is good. Also, height!

Sayuri (gyaru)

Yeah - if it’s a tall guy, then I’m happy!

SMASH (Interviewer)

Okay… how tall?

Sayuri (gyaru)

Well… compared to oneself. I am 168 cm, so if he’s close to, say, 180 cm then that’s a good thing. But most foreigners seem to be tall…


…so height is never a worry!

SMASH (Interviewer)

Everyone agree with that?


Additionally, having broad shoulders, a bit muscular – that’s always good…

Sayuri (gyaru)

Latin guys have quite intricate, well-carved features – it can come across as really strong. Too strong and it’s… scary. Japanese guys have simple faces. I don’t think I’d even be able to talk to face I find even a little bit scary.


Put next to each other, if we’re really so different, maybe we won’t be a good match…

SMASH (Interviewer)

I read in another focus group similar to this one, that girls on the whole refuse to even consider guys who are shorter than them – like it’s all weird having to lean down to kiss…


If you really like the person, height really won’t matter…

On Nampa SMASH (Interviewer)

Have you ever gone somewhere with a guy who “Nampa-ed” you?

Sayuri (gyaru)

Hmmm… if it was a Japanese guy, I don’t think I’d ever go…


If you’re a foreigner, doesn’t that make nampa a whole lot easier? Just starting a conversation with someone, for example…

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I met my current boyfriend when I nampa-ed him!

Everyone

*eeeeeeh?!*

Sayuri (gyaru)

In the street, I’ve been approached by foreigners asking for directions… and even if they’re actually doing nampa, I never know whether that’s the case, or if they’re really lost. What happens is, they’ll start off by talking to me in English, asking where Parco is or something, and give the impression that they can’t speak anything other than English. So I tell them that I’ll walk them there, and on the way, they suddenly start speaking in fluent Japanese, asking me questions like “what’s your name?” etc.! Which took me by surprise, and I thought it was kind of weird…


Eeeeh!

SMASH (Interviewer)

So, what kind of approach do you think would yield a good result with you?


With guys doing nampa, it’s like they’re fishing, isn’t it…

Sayuri (gyaru)

I think timing is everything.


It depends on the guy!

Sayuri (gyaru)

The person, the time, the situation…


The looks.

SMASH (Interviewer)

So, what we’re really getting at here, is that if he’s a really cool, attractive guy, then it doesn’t really matter what line he uses, or what he says?

Sayuri (gyaru)

For me though, if there’s a guy doing nampa, I don’t think I’d even look at his face.

SMASH (Interviewer)

But let’s look at our semantics for a moment. What exactly is “nampa”, in your view?


Having someone you don’t know start talking to you in the street – I feel like that’s nampa…

Sayuri (gyaru)

If you’re at a party or something, and someone you don’t know starts talking to you, that’s not really nampa…

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SMASH (Interviewer)

Ah, okay… I see.


It’s because there’s some kind of connection in place, however loose…

Sayuri (gyaru)

Whereas in the case of someone approaching you in the street, it’s like they have an “anyone will do” attitude.


You want to feel like you’re the only one that they’re approached and started speaking to.

In Girl Talk • What areas do you think foreign guys could brush up on, in comparison to Japanese guys? • What kind of approach yields a good result with you? • Relationships with foreign guys vs. relationships with Japanese guys Read the whole discussion in Japanese Girls - The Guide

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NAMPA

(chapter excerpt)

Rocket SCIENCE

The Gospel According to JohnnyRocket

GENUFLECT BEFORE CONTEXT, SQUIRE

C

hoose five women off the street and ask them to define nampa, you’ll get five different answers, all depending on what kinds of experiences they have had with impromptu solicitations from guys on the street, in cafes, bars, trains, or anywhere else the male voice is audible. One woman may tell you that nampa is defined as the lewd and innappropriate coercing of a woman into a love hotel so he can get some new material to upload to YouPorn. Another may tell you it’s just a bunch of friendly college kids hanging out on the street and looking for some girls with whom to pass the time and sing karaoke, all very innocent, hands above the table, G-rated, suitable-for-family-viewing type stuff. It’s time to get out the scalpel and slice nampa open so we can fully understand what it is, and what we are doing, in any situation. Cajoling a woman into getting horizontal; going to a cafe; or simply chatting with you for a few minutes in a bookstore are widely variant end results, but they all begin the same. Each end-goal starts with a compartmentalized morsel of interaction - and this morsel has a very scientific label to describe it (get your pen ready): a situation. Each situation has three characteristics, and each involve intention on your part: 1. Your intention to establish a relationship 2. Your intention to gain her trust 3. Your intention to spend more time with her Simple, right? However, if you think about it just like that, then we’re still standing at square one with questions like, “What do I say to her?” There is another very important dimension, a dimension that is absolutely critical to communicating with Japanese women for the first time, a dimension that will clock you in under the radar, that will separate you from those unimaginative spiky haired nampa boys.

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NAMPA

(chapter excerpt continued)

Context I hear guys say, “Yeah, I was on the train and I saw this hot girl, so I went up and asked her out and she waved me away. What a bitch! How come J-girls are so cold?” He was way out of context and likely just embarrassed her. Context reigns supreme. Thinking about every situation in context will dictate what you say to her to accomplish the above three objectives. In the train example, how can you establish that brief relationship? “HEY! WHAT’S GOIN’ ON?!” probably won’t work, even if she is the only other person in the car. However, if you innocuously ask how to read something in Japanese, then you’ll get a response because that is completely in context. You have just established a small relationship in that situation. Asking for help on a subject like Japanese is completely in-context for the train. Now you can have a small conversation about the Japanese language, let her know that you are a cool guy (gaining her trust), and then you can inquire about gaining more of her time, thereby changing the situation, which puts you right back at the beginning of the three-part situation process. Only this time, you have a foundation from which to work. You have now spoken to her about Japanese, she can sense you are a decent dude, and so now, based on this amount of trust you have just gained, how much of her time do you think you can get to establish more trust? What will the context allow you? A. “Can I ask you another question about Japanese?” B. “Care for a cup of tea with me?” C. “Shall we go get some dinner? ” D. “Let’s go back to my place and get it on.” E. “What are you doing for the rest of your life? I’d like three kids.” You can probably leverage more time to chat with her a bit. If you do that, then the trust you have earned may get you an impromptu half hour at a cafe. Do that, and who knows what could be after that. Keep working. The problem so many guys run into is assuming they have enough trust to skip ahead.

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NAMPA

(chapter excerpt continued) “She spoke to me, so she must be into me. I think I’ll invite her to my place for dinner...” She says no. The guy gets pissed and suddenly I’m getting an earful. He has made two mistakes in this scenario. The first, obviously, is that he didn’t properly read the situation. The second is equally foolish: he assumed that because she refused him, the game was over. Japanese girls expect guys to do the work, they expect us men to keep serving up options for their whimsy, and if we fail to do this, then they take that as a sign we are not interested. Western guys are not comfortable in this situation because we look for some kind of reciprocity, some kind of sign. You may get it, you may not. If you are talking to a girl in context, and she refuses dinner, maybe you have exceeded the trust afforded by the situation. Rather than sticking your tail between your legs and bailing, back up and ask if she’ll sit with you for a few minutes more minutes to continue the small talk. If she stays, then you have both just survived an awkward situation, and that builds connection. When you think of nampa in terms of moving from situation to situation in context via trust, it becomes a very human exercise, full of sincerity and honest intention, you can continue it right into a café or the bedroom - it’s your life, you’re the architect (now ask yourself what the spiky-haired nampa boys are doing wrong and how they could actually succeed). If you remind yourself of these three intentions prior to engaging a woman in conversation, you will radiate a completely different energy, and she will sense it. JR

Rocket Science – featured throughout the book, Japanese girl seduction

heavyweight JohnnyRocket dispenses pearls of wisdom on such topics as: • • • • • •

Are You a Dude Dressed as Another Dude How to Keep a Conversation Going What Women Want Gettin’ Peed On Sex as a Carrot The Red Ball

Read them all in Japanese Girls - The Guide 18

Japanese Girls

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THE PATTERN (chapter excerpt)

In the first minutes of an interaction with a Japanese girl, we see so many foreign guys in Japan get stuck in what we call The Pattern – small talk that seems friendly enough, but is ultimately going nowhere. Amped up by an initially warm reception, they squander their 15 minutes of fame on an interview style Q&A, and with it their valuable opportunities at making a genuine connection. The girls’ polite smiles steadily harden, masking boredom and detachment. The Pattern is a sequence of conversational questions and responses that you will hear A LOT when meeting Japanese people – girls and guys alike – for the first time. I’ve been there, JohnnyRocket has been there, and if you’ve spent any time in Japan interacting with Japanese people, then chances are you’ve been there too. It goes a little something like this: You:

こんばんは！ [name]です！

konban wa! [name] desu!

“Hey, how’s it going? I’m [name]”

Her:

こんばんは！　洋子です。

konban wa! Yoko desu.

“Hi. I’m Yoko”

You:

洋子ちゃんですね~　よろしく~

Yoko-chan desu ne~ yoroshiku~

“Ah, Yoko-chan, yes? Nice to meet you.”

Her:

(笑)　よろしく！　[name]さんはどこの出身ですか？

(laughs) yoroshiku! [name]-san wa doko no shusshin desu ka?

(laughs) “Nice to meet you to. Where is [name]-san from?”

You:

[country]から！

[country] kara!

“I’m from [country]!”

Her:

ええ~　[country]なの？　すごい~

eeh~ [country] na no? sugoi~

“Eeh~ [country]? Wow...”

You:

行ったことがありますか？

itta koto ga arimasu ka?

“Have you ever been?”

Her:

[country]はないんだけど、行きた~い

[country] wa nai-n dakedo, ikita~i

“No, but I would like to go!”

You:

ぜひ行ってみてね~　特に（冬・春・夏・秋）がいい時期だよ~

zehi itte mite ne~ toku ni (fuyu / haru / natsu / aki) ga ii jiki da yo~

“You should definitely go. (winter/spring/summer/ autumn) is an especially good time to go.”

Her:

[country]のどこ？

[country] no doko?

“Where in [country]?”

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You:

[town] から

[town] kara

“[town].”

Her:

ええ~　すごい~ えっと、日本に来て何年？

eeh~ sugoi~ etto, nihon ni kite nan-nen?

“Wow... How long have you been in Japan?”

You:

X（年・ヶ月・週間・日間）

X (nen / kagetsu / shuukan / nichikan)

“X (years/months/weeks/ days).”

Her:

X（年・ヶ月・週間・日間）でそんなに日本語しゃべれるの？

X (nen / kagetsu / shuukan / nichikan) de sonna ni nihon-go shabereru no?

“X years/months/weeks?! And yet you speak Japanese this well?”

You:

ま、まだ勉強してるんだけど・・・

Ma, mada benkyou shiterun dakedo...

“Well, I’m still learning...”

Her:

ええ~　すごい~　上手だよね~

eeh~ sugoi~ jouzu dayo ne

“Wow, that’s so impressive – your Japanese is so good.”

You:

いいえ、いいえ

iie iie

“No no, really...”

Her:

[name]さんは、お仕事？

[name]-san wa, o-shigoto?

“So, [name]... do you have a job?”

You:

うん、仕事ですね。（英会話）で働いてる、今。

un, shigoto desu ne. (eikaiwa) de hatariteru, ima.

“Yes, I’m working at an Eikaiwa school (for example), at the moment.”

Her:

ええ~　英語先生なの？　かっこいい！　英語を教えてください！　ぜんぜんできないから・・・

eeh~ eikaiwa sensei na no? kakkoii! eigo o oshiete kudsai! Zenzen dekinai kara...

“Wow. An English teacher? That’s so cool. Please teach me English. I’m very bad at it...”

You:

（笑）いいえ、そんなことないよ！

(laughs) iie, sonna koto nai yo!

“Haha – I’m sure that’s not true!”

Her:

[name]さんはなんで日本に来たんですか？

[name]-san wa nande nihon ni kita-n desu ka?

“Why did you come to Japan?”

You:

あっ、若いうちに、少しでも旅行したかったし、しかも、日本の文化とかにもともと興味あった。

Ah, wakai uchi ni, sugoshi demo ryokou shitakatta shi, shikamo, nihon no bunka toka ni motomoto kyoumi atta.

“Oh, I wanted to travel a bit, while I’m still young – and I’ve always been very interested in Japanese culture.”

Her:

[name]さんはいくつですか？

[name]-san wa ikutsu desu ka?

“[name]-san, how old are you?”

You:

[age]歳。洋子ちゃんは？

[age]-sai. Yoko-chan wa?

“I’m [age]. Yourself?”

it’s

nothing

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Her:

アタシは[age older than you expected]です。

atashi wa [age older than you expected] desu.

“Me, I am [age older than you expected].”

You:

マジで？　え~　より若く見えるけど・・・

maji de? eh~ yori wakaku mieru kedo...

“Really? Wow, you look considerably younger than that!”

Her:

（笑）ありがとう！　そう言ってくれてうれしい！

(laughs) arigatou! sou itte kurete ureshii!

“Haha! Thank you! I’m happy.”

Seems like it’s going well, doesn’t it? Hey, I guess it could be worse. But there are two key problems that we would be doing you a disservice by not warning you about.

The Problem This exact same conversation is going on in hundreds - maybe thousands - of bars, clubs, restaurants, parties, every single night. There’s a reason why we call it “The Pattern.” When you get down to it, you’ll be frightened just how closely this scenario plays out again and again, almost word-forword (particularly in Japanese). The problems with The Pattern are fairly obvious: first, it sounds like an interview – and, key here – it’s small talk. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to get to know someone via the usual touchstones – nationality, job, age – there are better ways to communicate this information while making your interaction far more interesting and memorable.

In Japanese Girls - The Guide • Breaking the Pattern • How to create Engaging Conversations • Play it HOT, not cool Read it all in Japanese Girls - The Guide

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INTERRUPTS (chapter excerpt)

The Most Difficult Questions You’ll Ever Get Asked An interrupt is a question or statement that seems innocuous enough on the surface, but the response you give has far more weight attached to it than even you realize. These are the sort of questions that come out of nowhere, and trigger a subtle interrupt in your flow of thought. Hence we refer to them as “interrupts”. You know the answer, but you can’t help but hesitate that the thought that there’s something deeper going on here.

[...] Interrupt 3: Her:

[your name]はプレイボーイだね~

[your name] wa pureiboi da ne

“You’re a playboy, aren’t you.”

We see this one come up a lot, particularly in situations when things are starting to get sexual. Once you’re in a situation where the two of you are alone, and are steadily getting more intimate, Japanese girls will throw out a lot of interrupts. Getting to this point, the cute Hello Kitty gloves are off. She’s testing you hard, and it’s time not to fail. What You’re Thinking: “Oh no, she needs reassurance that I’m not some smooth-talking sleaze-bag. I’d best set her mind at ease.” What She’s Thinking: “Let’s see how he reacts to this one. I’ve already made up my mind that he’s probably a playboy, but let’s see if we can smoke him out.” This one is quite confrontational, so start with the denying, and you’re already on the back-foot. It’s better to act just a little indignant with this one – it is after all, a fairly rude question. And if there’s one thing that throws Japanese people off balance, it’s the implication that they’ve been even the slightest bit rude.

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INTERRUPTS


Responses 1. Light Interrupt the interrupt You:

洋子ちゃんはプレイボーイが好きでしょう？

Yoko-chan wa pureiboi suki deshou?

“Heh. Yoko-chan likes playboys – isn’t that right?”

It’s not a direct response to the comment, but it’s enough to put her on the defensive instead. You’ve neither confirmed or denied your “playboy” status, but you’ve turned her statement around to make an implication about her (hey, we told you the gloves were off!). 2. Medium Halt it in its tracks

You:

ひどい、ね~

hidoi, ne~

“That’s pretty harsh.”

You can let a smidgen of hurt creep in to your voice at this point. Only a tiny bit, mind. Now you’ve turn the dynamic around, and made it seem like she’s picking on you. The onus is on her to do some back-pedaling now, and chances are the topic won’t resurface.

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INTERRUPTS

(chapter excerpt continued) 3. Heavy How to hammer nails into the coffin of this kind of discussion You:

僕がそのような人だと本当に信じてたら、ま、仕様がないね.　僕がどんな人なのか、僕ははっきり分かるよ。事実を知りたいなら、心を開けてみた方がいい・・・　別に知りたくなかったら、残念。

boku ga sono you na hito da to hontou ni shinjitetara, shou ga nai ne. boku ga donna hito na no ka, boku wa hakkiri wakaru yo. jijitsu wo shiritai nara, kokoro wo akete mita hou ga ii... betsuni shiritakunattara, zannen.

“If you honestly believe that I’m that kind of person - well, that’s a shame. But, whatever you decide to think, ultimately I know what kind of a person I really am, and if you give yourself a chance to discover that, then you might be pleasantly surprised.”

This is a sober and serious answer, that we recommend for very extreme cases, when you know someone is pushing your buttons to try and get a reaction. It needs to be delivered very coolly, and calmly, with firm eye-contact - as a father to his child. I have seen this kind of response work wonders for me, personally. Typically the girl is not expecting a sudden shift to seriousness, and the subtle admonishment to her for making rash assumptions about you usually results in an apology. What you are communicating is: “I know who I am. And so you have a choice: You can find that out for yourself, or you can keep making silly, childish assumptions.”

In Interrupts We look at the classic interrupts, and the best ways of dealing with them – including: “What do you think of Japanese girls?”, and “I’ll bet you’re popular with the ladies” Read the whole chapter in Japanese Girls - The Guide

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MAIL

(chapter excerpt)

Setting up a Date at Your House You may be planning to invite her for a date at your own house. For Japanese girls, being invited into someone’s home implies a familiarity to the relationship - and being suddenly invited to a foreigner’s home can sometimes be a daunting prospect. That said, it’s by no means insurmountable - you just need to treat with a bit more care. Here is a good example of how to pull something like this off smoothly: You:

XXちゃんはスパゲティ好き？

Do you like spaghetti?

Her:

スパゲティ？　うん！　好きよー

Spaghetti? Yeah, I do!

You:

ぼくのスパゲティ・ボロネーゼはめっちゃおいしいよ~

My spaghetti bolognaise is super-delicious. If you’re free Friday night, come over to [your area], and I’ll make some for you.

金曜日の夜に時間が空いてたら、[your area] においで、ぼくは作ってあげよう:)

The nuance here is important. You reference the area where you live, rather than directly referring to your residence. Why? Because phrases like “my house” or “my apartment” set off alarms. If you put a Japanese girl in the position of having to directly agree to come to “your apartment”, the implication is that she is agreeing to something more - whereas if you keep the focus on the cooking, mentally she doesn’t feel like she’s being pushed into committing to anything more than that. The fact that it’s happening in your apartment just becomes a background fact. You could just as easily suggest watching a DVD, or maybe even playing Nintendo Wii. Just make sure to pay heed to the golden rule: when planning/inviting, base the date around the action and not the location.

In Mail

A wealth of mail templates – in both English and Japanese – as well as advice regarding: • The dance of matching your schedules • Dealing with lateness and cancellations • Follow ups mails after a date, and responses to expect 25

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DATE TEMPLATES (chapter excerpt)

Date Template 2: CPR (Café->Park->Restaurant) No. of Locations:

3

Duration:

Part 1 (Café): Part 2 (Park): Part 3 (Restaurant): Total:

Budget (per person):

From ¥2,500 (depending on the restaurant)

45 mins - 1 ½ hours 1 ½ - 2 hours 2+ hours Approx. 5 hours

Notes: Starting off in a café is a casual, informal way of starting things off. With less pressure of it being a full-blown “date”, it projects a comparatively “non-threatening” image of “two people just hanging out” which can be good for girls who seem nervous meeting you. Some girls with less dating experience on the whole may worry what’s expected of them on a full-blown date, so scaling it down to an easygoing, familiar location can set them at ease. From there (and we’re assuming good weather here!) it’s on to a walk in the park. When walking around, you needn’t focus too much on the conversation and interactions between the two of you - look outward to your surroundings and enjoy the day with her. Once you’ve enjoyed a walk around - have a sit down somewhere, and let yourselves become comfortable with physical closeness. Finally, with an appetite worked up from the activities of the day, it’s time to finish up with a nice slow burning restaurant visit. In contrast to dates where you start in an izakaya, you don’t need to focus so much on keeping the energy high and fun. You should have already settled into a comfortable groove together, and so now you can shift lightly into a more intimate level of communication, engaging her on a deeper level.

In Date Templates 12 successful tried-and-tested Date Templates, for all seasons and situations Get them all in Japanese Girls - The Guide 26

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HOW TO KISS A JAPANESE GIRL (chapter excerpt)

SMASH’s Strawberry Kiss The subtle signal Japanese girls put out when they’re attracted to you and at the point whre they’re happy to kiss is something I got much better at picking up with time and experience. In the beginning, it just seemed impossible to know whether an attempt at a kiss was going to lead into fiery passionate embracing, or a reaction of shock and rejection. For those situations where I felt like I just needed a little more insight into whether a girl wanted to kiss me or not, I developed the “Strawberry Kiss” method. You will need: • 1 x Japanese girl • 1 x Fresh Strawberry Note - It’s important that the girl does not see the strawberry at any point beforehand. I would tend to keep it in a little plastic container to make it easy to hide without fear of crushing it. 1 - Tell the girl to “close her eyes”: You:

じゃ、今、目を閉じてください・・・

ja, ima, me o tojite kudasai...

“Okay, now - I want you to close your eyes.”

Her:

えっ、なんで？

eh? nan-de?

“Huh? How come?”

You:

サプライズだよ！　お願い・・・

surprise onegai...

da-yo!

“It’s a surprise! Please close them.”

2 - Retrieve your strawberry, and, after a brief pause for effect, slowly - very slowly start moving it towards her lips. My thinking was this - if her lips started to pucker into a kissing shape as the strawberry brushed against them, then she was expecting a kiss, and was moving to reciprocate. This motion would linger in her face for less than a second, followed an equally short burst of confusion and (often) revulsion as her lips traced the domed shape of the strawberry. Then, a split-second of horror - “That isn’t his...?” - causing her eyes to

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HOW TO KISS A JAPANESE GIRL (chapter excerpt continued)

snap open... Finally, a longer moment of relief and curiosity as she is presented with the scene of me gently brushing a ripe red strawberry on her lips - which she would of course eat hungrily. Satisfied with her willing reaction, I would instruct her to close her eyes again, and this time deliver a deep passionate kiss. On the other hand, if she refused to close her eyes, or recoiled in horror as something was pressed to her lips, I took this as a signal that she was unlikely to be down with the idea of kissing. In this worst case scenario, any awkwardness and/or dents to your pride are prevented - as all you were doing was offering her a strawberry! While being able to read and understand a Japanese girl’s signals, subtle or otherwise, is the ultimate goal that you should be shooting for, feel free to adopt this method as your “training wheels” if you feel it might be useful for you. Just remember to keep a fresh supply of strawberries at hand!

In How to Kiss a Japanese Girl • The Lead-in – shifting gears smoothly • Refusal – real and token • “I only kiss my boyfriend” – Dealing with the ultimate interrupt Read the whole chapter in Japanese Girls - The Guide

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HOW TO TAKE A JAPANESE GIRL HOME (chapter excerpt)

Her name was Miho, she was a kindergarten teacher, and she had come to my neighborhood to see me, late Friday evening, after work. We had some food and drink in an izakaya, and, now after midnight, found ourselves outside again, in the warm summer night-time air. “Let’s go for a walk,” I told her, and soon began to guide our wanderings towards the direction of my neighborhood. We wandered away from the neon haze of the station and shopping area, and towards the residential neighborhood. I pointed out some of the interesting sights on the way. “I live around here, and-” I started. “I’m not going to your house,” she said firmly, before I’d even had a chance to invite her. At this point, the inexperienced SMASH would have panicked - would have started to use logic to defensively point out that she had arrived here in Ikebukuro at 10pm, all the way from Saitama prefecture - and her last train had long since left. So, if not my house, then where was she expecting to stay? But I knew better than to say any of this, Being a leader doesn’t mean diving head-first into conflict. Logical arguments are not sexy. Instead, without missing a beat, I nodded, said casually: “Sure.” and then, grinning, “Wouldn’t dream of it.” Did I detect a flash of hesitation at that reaction - as if she was expecting something else? Did she really want me to start begging and pleading to let me take her home? After about 20 minutes, we had walked in a big circle, and were roughly back where we started, in West Ikebukuro’s large public square. The clock in the square read 1:20am. “We could go somewhere else to have a drink,” I offered, “But to be honest, it’s late and I’m getting kind of tired. Like I said, I live nearby, so I’m thinking of heading home. You are of course welcome to join me.” She paused, mulling this invitation over in her mind. “Fine..., but we’re not having sex.” she asserted.

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HOW TO TAKE A JAPANESE GIRL HOME (chapter excerpt continued)

“Of course not,” I cheerily shot back, unruffled, “Just sleeping.” By dealing with her refusals and interrupts in a cool, and confident manner, as opposed to reacting and butting heads with her over each one, I had kept the date moving, and maintained an upbeat, positive atmosphere. Together, we returned to my apartment. At home, we sat on my bed and chatted some more. Finally, I put my arms around Miho, and gently laid her down on her back to kiss her. She dodged her head to the side defiantly. It was cute, and I smiled. We repeated this coy little dance a couple more times. “I’m not kissing you,” she told me, “You’re not my boyfriend.” I backed off, unfazed, and asked her if she wanted anything to drink. I took her order, and strolled into the kitchen, maintaining my aura of calm confidence, as if nothing at all was amiss. When I came back into the room, she was still sitting upright on the edge of the bed, contemplating. I passed her her drink. We held our positions in silence for a few minutes - her planted on my bed, me standing casually in the doorway, sipping my own drink. Finally, she spoke: “I want to go to the convenience store,” And, having said that, she stood up, walked slowly towards me, and wrapped her arms around my body, pulling me tight.

In How to Take a Japanese Girl Home • Leading Without Words • The Terrible Secret of How Japanese Girls Make Their Decision About Going Home / to a Hotel with You • Bouncing Back from Refusal Read the whole chapter in Japanese Girls - The Guide

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SEX

(chapter excerpt)

“Can we turn out the lights?” Japanese girls and sexual anxieties All “games” aside, for many Japanese girls, the road to sex is paved with anxiety. As the two of you start become more intimate, the first road-block of resistance you will encounter will often stem from one or more of the following reservations:

Is he going to be gentle with me? Is it going to hurt?

Body-image issues are far from uncommon among Japanese women. With the generally accepted standard for “beauty” in Japan being appallingly narrow (particularly when it comes to weight - it’s depressingly common to hear already plenty-slim Japanese girls complaining about how they need to go on a diet), the first time the girl disrobes with that other person can be a daunting prospect. Add to that the Japanese perception of foreign women as being exotically beautiful and “well-endowed” in the cleavage department, and it’s not difficult to understand how a Japanese girl could develop feelings of physical inadequacy in the intimate company of a non-Japanese man.

Things you might hear 電気消していい？

denki keshite ii?

Can we turn out the lights?

布団に入ろう？

futon ni hairou?

Shall we get under the covers?

アタシのおっぱいが小さくてごめん。

atashi no oppai ga chiisakute gomen.

I’m sorry my breasts are small.

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SEX


Good ways to respond 1. Communicate clearly that you desire her Simply trying to neutralize her insecurities with “oh no, really, you’re very attractive” isn’t going to cut it. You need to emotionally invest yourself, and communicate your desires with actions as well as words. Compliment her sincerely, and tell her what you find beautiful and attractive about her, emphasizing with touch. Don’t just use generic adjectives like “cute”, or “sexy” - go one better by telling her exactly how she makes you feel. Examples XXちゃんのお尻って完璧なお尻なんだ。サイズもシェープも・・・　飽きることなく触れる。

XX-chan no oshiri tte kanpeki na oshiri nan da! saizu (size) mo shepu (shape) mo... akiru koto naku sawareru.

You really do have a perfect ass. Both in size, and in shape... I don’t think I would ever get tired of touching it.

目の前、XXちゃんのすごいほっそりした体に我慢できない！

me no mae, XX-chan no sugoi hossori-shita karada ni gaman dekinai!

Seeing your slender body in front me here, I just can’t resist!

2. Don’t throw a pity party It’s important that you don’t allow her to dwell on any perceived physical shortcoming. A girl lamenting about the size of her breasts isn’t looking for you to say: “Well… at least you have beautiful legs!” No - girls don’t think of their bodies in terms of an overall score. They are prone to obsess over small details, and you need to nip any and all self-criticism in the bud. Don’t concede on any point: XXちゃんのおっぱいは美しくて体とピッタリのサイズだよ。大きすぎて体に合わずおっぱいがだれも好きじゃない！

XX-chan no oppai wa utsukushikute karada to pittari no saizu (size) da yo. ookisugite, karada ni awazu oppai ga dare-mo suki ja nai!

Your breasts are beautiful, and perfectly sized for your body. Nobody likes these over-sized disproportionate breasts anyway.

Give no quarter in your crusade to make her appreciate her body for what it is!

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SEX

(chapter excerpt)

Sex and the Sexes It is true that for men, sex takes on a kind of unparalleled importance when it comes to assessing “progress” with any particular girl. Indeed there is nothing else that serves as such a bright and clear marker as to whether a date can be deemed a “success”, or not. Because of this, it’s hardly surprising that I often hear from guys who want to analyze and understand dates and courtships they’ve had with girls which never quite got as far as sex: “Do you think she wants sex with me?” “Was I ‘friend-zoned’ into someone she wouldn’t ‘consider’ having sex with?” “Why do women play all these games about sex? Why aren’t they just upfront about what they want?” In each individual case, I offer advice and insights where I can - but often the hardest thing about attempting to provide someone with good answers, is when you don’t think they’re even asking the right questions. For men, sex as an act tends to stand alone. Take away the dating, the time spent in each other’s company, the conversations, the flirting, the making out, the foreplay - but leave in the sex part, and chances are a man might still tell you he had a great night. But leave all the other stuff in, and take out the sex, and you’re likely to get a completely different assessment. It’s a binary scale - sex or no sex - and it can be applied as an assessment of attraction (“would you?”), an evaluation of a date (“did you?”), or even a comment on a prospective partner’s willingness (“does she?”) Women, on the other hand, tend to relish the wholeness of the experience, rather than any one stand-out element. Sex is important - but it tends not to be the centre of that universe. Many men misunderstand this simple truth, and misguidedly assume that many women just don’t like sex, or don’t know what they want. Worse still is the idea that dating and sex works like a “transaction” - i.e. the guy “gives” the girl a good night out, and then “gets” what he wants at the end. We’ve met guys who think like this, and we’ve seen them fail... and then go on to badmouth the women who wouldn’t play along with their flawed worldview.

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SEX

(chapter excerpt continued) To more clearly see things from the female point of view, one analogy that works for me is going on a metaphorical holiday. Let’s suppose you’re really into surfing (or visiting war graves, or whatever you want - it’s your metaphor), and you book a holiday to go to a highly recommended location for a week of catching the surf. You’d be pretty pissed if the travel agent suddenly told you that your package didn’t include any kind of accommodation in a hotel or anywhere - or that there were no restaurants or bars in this “recommended location”. Perhaps you’d protest that it’s a poor excuse for a holiday, to which the shifty travel agent would respond: “But I’m offering you the best surfing this side of the Pacific! What’s the problem? Is it that you don’t really like surfing?” Just as the surfing is just one part of the whole holiday experience, so for women is sex just one part of the whole package in being together with someone. So, in trying to decipher your sexual prowess, or lack thereof, with any particular girl, it pays not to focus on the sex, but rather to think more holistically. Adjust your thinking in this way, and it won’t be long before you’re riding the crest of that wave.

In Sex • Japanese Girls, Sex, and Societal Guilt • Understanding Resistance • Japanese Girls Say the Darndest Things (in the Heat of Passion) Read the whole chapter in Japanese Girls - The Guide

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OTHER CHAPTERS INCLUDE Japanese girls typified College students, gyaru, company workers, high school girls, hostesses - we look at effective ways to typify Japanese girls based on their whereabouts, fashion, and attitude - and how to get their attention!

Hon’ne and Tatemae “The true feeling” and “the social façade” – Japanese people are good at being polite. So good in fact, that often you just don’t know whether you’re seeing a Japanese girl’s true feelings, or whether you’re just getting a front for the sake of good manners. We’ll teach how to sharpen your instincts so as to be able to tell the difference between the hon’ne (true feelings), or the tatemae (social façade)...

Demystifying Japanese Girls Popular myths about the female population of Japan – and realities behind them.

Communicating in Japanese A detailed look at the polite/casual forms of Japanese – and when to use them in interactions with girls

Lead In an age where the “herbivorous male” (草食系男子 - soshoku-kei danshi) is becoming more prevalent in Japan, the modern Japanese girl prizes a man who’ll take the lead. But what does “take the lead” really mean? We give you a manifesto and a roadmap to get behind the wheel of your relationships.

Places to Meet Japanese Girls From Japanese izakaya, to bars, to hanami parties, to the workplace - we take a look at all the places and situations in which you may encounter Japanese girls, and how to approach each one in the most effective way possible.

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Taking it further How to smoothly cross that line from being “friendly” to “something more” - we tell all about our experiences, the things that we’ve found to work well for us - as well as the pitfalls to watch out for.

True Stories real-life experiences of meeting, dating, and becoming intimate with Japanese girls of a range of ages and backgrounds.

Recipe for Crêpes Because everyone loves crêpes.

All this and much, much more – in Japanese Girls - The Guide by SMASH & JohnnyRocket http://japanesegirlsguide.com

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japanesegirlsguide.com

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